The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The a showed up a few mins ago to pick up the kids and take them to get pumpkins for carving. First thing upon entering the house he runs upstairs and brushes his teeth with my toothbrush mind you. Then he comes down. I notice the aroma of alcohol eminating from him. He swears he hasn't been drinking, then goes on to tell a story about the 2 coworkers he's staying with and how they went out and he just dropped them off and picked them up. He must think I'm a complete and total idiot! I am SO angry right now. So tired of trying to have hope for a hopeless damn situation, scared to totally let go of him and be totally alone (no joke, I have no friends or family here), angry that I he is not doing the right thing and that I actually believed he might - once again! ERRRRRRR I wanna cry and kill something all at the same time. I think I had a nervous breakdown the other night. The really bad night I mentioned in a prior post I broke down crying over spilt juice and sobbed like someone had died or something. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I am getting very hopeless about us ever reconciling and scared of my future alone. Just wanted to vent, think I'll go cry now. Thanks!
I'm not sure if you are able to attend meetings? When I started to attend I made some new friends to have lunch, coffee, movies or whatever with. When I got busy, I got better. You can too. What do you want to create for yourself? We can't sit home and expect our lives to change. There are Mom's groups, different clubs etc. Put yourself out there and have some fun. It helps soooo much. I had to force myself and I'm sure glad I did. Now my husband is in Alaska and I'm here alone with my son. I'm very grateful I have those friends now. In fact I'm going to dinner with a great friend from Alanon tonight :) Do it for you!!
Take care Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm sorry you are going through this. It is sad and maddenning and frustrating. I too recently moved and I can empathize with you about your fears of no friends or family close by. BUT...as someone posted...your higher power is with you always, your Al-anon family group is here for you and there are always friends to be made wherever we are. Easy does it and One Day at a Time. Courage and strength are yours for the asking. We're here for you too. Good uck and keep coming back - just remember to do something for you.
If you can, detach, detach, detach from your A. Like Christy says "When I got busy, I got better also."
I am sorry you feel you are going crazy. That's a very normal feelings during the chaos of alcoholism. Get to a meeting either here or face to face. When we lose it "over spilt milk" the A's get off free. I found the A's in my life were just "A's" while I was the nutty one. Everyone said excuse for the A but no excuse for the crazy one. UGH.
yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
It's good to let the feelings come out. But try not to project and play the "what if" "will it be", games etc. No one knows what the future holds. It can be paralyzing. Christy is right, get busy. When I had those feelings of doom,etc I would switch my focus. I use to do really challenging crossword puzzles, make a difficult recipe, anything that would take lots of concentration. It took the focus off the A and put it on me. The cool thing was, was when I finished the project, I felt better. Meetings help online or f2f. Take an art class, try something new. Get out there. Take all that energy and exercise. When I'm really uptight and stressed the best thing I do for myself is take a really long hard walk. It tires me out and makes me feel good at the same time.
Love and blessings to you and the children.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Sweetie, even you can smell the despiration that this guy is sweating. No idiot goes and brushes his teeth when he goes into someone else's house. You can set boundries there.
He wants to believe he doesn't have a drinking problem. He wants to believe that if he can convince you than he'll be in the clear. It'll be okay. It'll be all good. But sweetie, even you know the truth: your rage tells me that. Your rage and impatience tells me that you're at the point where you're like, "Look, dumba**, I'm not the drunk one here. I'm not the one that took the geographic cure, was deada** broke, was calling collect...." Do I really need to go on?"
You know the truth. He does too. But denial is more than a river in Africa. (((HUGS))) And you know that, too.
