The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just got home from walmart. Poor me! (I LOVE Walmart!)
Hubby is in his usual place, across the street, helping decorate for a Halloween party tomorrow night. His friends. I'm going to my friends party while he goes to his. This is different for us, we usually go together wherever we go. He sees his friends daily, while I rarely get together with mine, who are only social drinkers. But we have a lot of food planned for our party.
I found a letter in hubby's truck about his probation. He had a probation meeting this past Monday, the 23. Must be why he's been kinda a jerk all week. His next appt. is in Feb. He also has to start attending "batterer's intervention" classes, from 6-9 on tuesday nites, beginning Nov. 14. Don't know why it took the courts so long, as this all happened in January 2004, almost 2 years ago.
He hasn't said anything about it, but has been very cold and distant to me. Tonight as I was pulling in the drive, he had his little coleman cooler full of beer, ready to cross the street to his buddy's house. But, I pulled in, and he actually came in the house and sat by me for a while. Nothing to say, but at least he did sit there until his other buddies came across the street to decorate. I don't know why they are bothering to decorate. Just gonna be a lot of drunks there, and they can't see or don't care what decorations are up. You guys remember that song "I'm Gonna Hire A Wino to Decorate Our Home". That's about how I am feeling right now. He's never here. I go to be a lot by myself. Sure is lonely. I miss the hugs, kisses, playing, being silly, playing around. Oh, well. Just another thing alcohol has robbed me of. I sure can't do THAT with anyone else, and some things just are not that fun alone.
I asked him if I could have a reservation of his time on Sunday to help me put up the kitchen shelves, and he did say OK.
Sometimes I feel like I am existing on the crumbs he chooses to toss my way. Othertimes, I just love him to pieces and he treats me like he really does love me. Whatever THAT means.
This is why we need to build our own lives, and not depend too much on the A for what he cannot give. If we really try to get all, or even lots, of our emotional support from an A, we're gonna be in trouble, because it's not gonna happen. As they say, don't go to the hardware store for bread. Enjoy him for what he is, or decide that there is no joy, and find another way to live. There's no point in banging our heads against that wall, though.
Good for you for going out and having your own fun. There is no need to spend your time alone, or with a bunch of drunks - you do have other choices.
