The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The whole basis of our program is based on self honesty. What you posted is not necessarily an easy thing to read ..... however, I believe it is honest.
Having had an A father, an A husband, and A and drug addicted children, I can verify this is honesty.
It seems harsh, but true. Addictions have nothing to do with us, and everything to do with the addicted. One more time, we didn't cause it, we can't control it, we can't cure it.
We are all individually accountable for ourselves. My alcoholic and drug addicted children are accountable for themselves. My responsibility now is to love them and let God do His job without my interfering.
"Our" addiction is to the addicted! Thinking we can care for and fix them!!!!
In one respect this knowledge is such a relief off my shoulders!!! Yes, I am still concerned about them and their welfare, but they are adults and accountable. If I am always trying to fix things for them, what will they do when I am gone??
Thank you Phil for a thought provoking post.... helps me realize I really have to work my program and truly let go and let God.
Some people do take that choice of actions, and some people choose to hang on with hope that some day the alcoholic in their lives will get sober. Some alcoholics do get sober, and then it's time to adjust to living in sobriety. I remember yelling at my alcoholic one day saying I wish he would go back to drinking because it was easier. (This was way before program in my life.) I had as many problems with him drinking as I did without it.
But this program isn't about the alcoholic, and how much they drank or if they got another DUII. This program is about realizing we have choices, and that we all each have a higher power. We are individuals with individual paths. I can give everybody my experience,strength, and hope, but I don't expect them to do anything that isn't right for them and their situation.
Practicing this program doesn't give you immediate results. It takes time. It has taken me as long to get well as it has taken me to get sick. It wasn't easy, and if I had gotten easy answers I wouldn't have learned what I needed to know as well. I faced alot of pain, and hell yeah it sucked. However, I wouldn't trade that experience for the world....I don't wanna ever live it again...but without that experience...without that pain....I wouldn't have had the courage to change.
All that pain sucked big time, but where my faith in a higher power was wavering, I have found a constant source of guidance and hope. I have found strength, and I have found hope that has no conditions or expectations.
Much love,
SenoraBob
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Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
Thank you for your post. I'd just like to say that I love A's who have and work a program, they cut right to the chase. One meeting I shared something I was working on, when it got around to an double winner he looked right at me and said "Fear." Then started his share. Another brought me to the 11th Step when I just couldn't see what it was I needed to work on yet I knew something in me wasn't right. And I can't tell you how many times my brother-in-law (recovering A) has stopped me cold with short and to the point statements. I appreciate the honesty.
It's very much like you said, take away the BS and you just might see the truth. One of my favorite sayings is "Everything after But is Bullsh**" My sponsor will tell you I was a severe "but" abuser LOL, "but you don't understand, but it's not really like that, but he's trying, but, but, but, but" DENIAL -- don't even know I'm lying -- It's hard to cut thru it, but not impossible. Just like the A, no one can make us see the truth, we have to decide to get healthy ourselves. No one can work our program for us.
My struggles at the moment come from my A "..and pretending that everything is ok..." Thank you for helping me regain my perspective. I started to get lost in the fog and needed a little grounding. (It's not all about me)
You are sometimes a fly on the wall with your insights. Do you think that this applies to the dry drunk? I know I am stuck. I keep reacting to my AHsober. I don't live; I react. I keep taking it and lose myself. Thanks for the insight.
Dry Drunk? From experience..there isnt a doubt in my mind that it applys..
I've had em...and can still get them if I dont do the "Musts"
I didnt mean for that post to be as harsh as it was...
I know that this is a family disease..and affects everyone that comes in contact with it...
AND ..its not easy...
I used to be a big reacter also...and that took a lot of putting brain in gear before opening mouth...and for every action, theres always a reaction.:)
Thank God for Alanon...
Have the best day yu can...
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Giving to others, from the heart..is what its all about..
You don't ever have to say your sorry for speaking your truth. Not here!
My wife may never be sober. But in just 1 week of seperation, I have more hope than I ever had sitting there trying to talk her into it.
Thank you for your honesty, and your perspective. If we were both capable of "minding our own business", we wouldn't have needed to seperate. But neither of us could really do it that way. Now... I have some hope and faith in her to at least try and get herself healthy.
I am going to try to keep up, and keep me healthy.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I so appreciate your honesty. You are brave and courageous. It reminds me of something I did for someone that others took offense to , yet the therapist said YES keep doing it and called it ruthless compassion.
Not everyone sees something in the same way. I grew up in a family that turned up alot of A's. What you say is sooooooooo truuueeeeee. Its not an easy pill to swallow yet is right on in my opinion.
I buried an A brother, my daughter is an A and soon I will be burying my A mom who is dying from cancer. There are others too I have lived around. You are so right on that "Life is so Short". And if we wait on the A, we are wasting our life waiting for something that never will be in alot of cases. It was for me with all of them. None of them ever seeked recovery. WAIT is so ingrained in me I have to purposely catch myself doing it and try to stop. So much life I wasted that I could of lived waiting to love a loved one that was addicted and did exactly as you described.
Thanks for the validation and input.
Blessings to you in recovery
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I tell myself when times are rough, "this to shall pass!!!" Ask HP for guidance, if the door is open, and I know how to look, I will become aware! I also visit http://www.inspiringthots.net/ . Blessings , Your sister in Recovery
Glad you're with us. Frankly I love having the perspective of a recovering addict. It's helped me so much. It's one of the reasons I attend AA meetings with my hubby. I needed to understand what he was going through. I had to hear it from others. Your words aren't harsh, they are honest. Don't ever change that. I did take a stand with my A, and yes it does work. He knew that I couldn't live anymore with an active alcoholic. It was the hardest and yet best choice I made. I often wonder why people stay so long. But we are not in their shoes.
We now work our programs separately and together. We have our daily rituals of reading our daily meditations together. But his recovery is his and mine is mine.
Keep coming back to us. Love and blessings to you and your family. Congrats on your sobriety.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
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