The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today has been the worst day! My A came over last weekend and I believe he drank my son's codeine cough syrup and then watered it down. It was the consistency of honey and now it's like water. I am tired of questioning myself. He has every possible story in the book and swears up and down he didn't do it and I start to believe. Because I want to believe so much even though it is the only logical answer. I confronted him about it during 2 other conversations and he vehemently denies doing it. Comes up with all kinds of possible explanations that of course only make sense if you're desperate to believe. So I told him he couldn't come stay this weekend because I won't tolerate lying. He flew off the handle and talked about getting a lawyer. TYPICAL.
Also I had just gone to a halloween carnival at the local private school and spent $20 in about 5 mins and then we were broke with nothing to do. Had to pay to get in and then pay for everything to do there. We were really disappointed and I felt like such a failure as a mom not having enough for my kids and all.
Then we got home and my son dropped juice on the floor and I flipped out and started crying hysterically. I have been making a serious effort not to scream at them and been keeping it all bottled up.
Anyway, I'm very depressed tonight and just want to go to bed and hope for a better day tomorrow.
I understand your frustration. I am sure their were others there struggling too at the carnival. We are not alone. We are human. We are foulable. And sometimes, we do have bad days. Give yourself a break. Easy does it.
Watered down cough syrup (3 C's) $20.00 Spilled juice
How important is it? That's one of our slogans that help to put things in perspective.
Those things probably really aren't what is bothering you. Sometimes we have to sit quietly for a bit to figure out what's really going on inside. The next step would be to think about what you can do to make yourself feel better by applying Alanon tools.
Hang in there Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am sorry to hear about your bad day. Just take it easy and remember one day at a time. I know it is easier said than done believe me I do. Just know we are all here for you. Tommorrow is a new day.
Lauren
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~life is like a box of chocolates you never know whatcha gonna get~
I am so sorry you had such a bad day. I know how you feel, sometimes everything just caves in or it feels like it. Someone told me here once to not expect anything out of the A... it made me kind of wonder, but it is true, they are going to do what they are going to do. Your A drank the cough syrup, now is lying to cover it up. They drink, that is what they do. Now I no longer expect my A to come home sober. He will more than likely be drunk. It is kind of sad but at least you don't get your hopes up.
Hope your day is going better today!!! REmember to try to go to meetings, they are helping me tremendously. Even if you have to force yourself to go, you WILL feel better!!! And don't feel guilty about being a "failure" as a mom.... I know plenty of people that wouldn't even try to do anything with their kids like go to the fair.... you are loving, and safe...
