The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
let me tell ya my story. my mother started to drink when I was 14/15 and became a full time drinker when I was 16. Before then she was a warm loving quiet person. But now she is cold and her life is all bout the booze. Well this has hurt me of course and it has allowed me to NOT trust others. Because of this negative trait I have had a friend tell me to "take a hike" just like that cause I did not trust her bout something. What broke my heart bout that is how we were such wonderful friends for many months (I met her online) Anyway I am sadden bout that. I tried to explain to her it was because of my mother "dropped me" for her booze. She told that did not matter... and that was the end of our friendship she never gave me a chance.
Anyway what I want to ask you, is do you suffer a lack of trust because of a family members booze? If so has it damaged any of your relationships with anyone because of it?
Hi Sensitive and welcome to MIP. You bet we all have trust issues. I have not had my lack of trust affect another relationship, but I can tell you, I do not trust my A any farther than I can throw him. I never will. Once that trust is broken, it cannot be completely mended...ever. But, we must learn to keep the focus on ourselves since we cannot control the alcoholism. We do not love the A any less, but we must love ourselves enough to put him/her into perspective and go proudly on. Carefully try to avoid blaming your failed friendship on your mom's alcoholism. You may feel that is true, but others may see it as a cop out. And besides, we need to take responsibility for all our actions, good or bad.
Al Anon can help you understand your feelings as well as your Mom's addiction, and help you with coping skills. Take a look for meetings in your area. Continue to come here to MIP where you will find many. many people who understand.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 10:03, 2006-10-26
-- Edited by Diva at 10:09, 2006-10-26
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Hello, dear! I'm so glad you came to Al Anon! I hope you're finding some meetings in your area besides just using the message board here to talk to recovering people. It helps alot, I think, to SEE people who are living with the insanity of alcholism face to face, not just here.
As for your question about lack of trust, I think you're right where you need to be to be ready to grow. You're at a point where you're questioning what you know, what you don't know, what you need to know, et cetera. And, as you keep doing that, you'll grow. Trust is a big issue, and like many things in life, it is earned. I recommend you keep coming back, keep asking questions, and keep being honest.
Hi Sensitive and welcome to MIP. You bet we all have trust issues. I have not had my lack of trust affect another relationship, but I can tell you, I do not trust my A any farther than I can throw him. I never will. Once that trust is broken, it cannot be completely mended...ever. But, we must learn to keep the focus on ourselves since we cannot control the alcoholism. We do not love the A any less, but we must love ourselves enough to put him/her into perspective and go proudly on. Carefully try to avoid blaming your failed friendship on your mom's alcoholism. You may feel that is true, but others may see it as a cop out. And besides, we need to take responsibility for all our actions, good or bad.
Al Anon can help you understand your feelings as well as your Mom's addiction, and help you with coping skills. Take a look for meetings in your area. Continue to come here to MIP where you will find many. many people who understand.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 10:03, 2006-10-26
-- Edited by Diva at 10:09, 2006-10-26
Hello, dear! I'm so glad you came to Al Anon! I hope you're finding some meetings in your area besides just using the message board here to talk to recovering people. It helps alot, I think, to SEE people who are living with the insanity of alcholism face to face, not just here.
As for your question about lack of trust, I think you're right where you need to be to be ready to grow. You're at a point where you're questioning what you know, what you don't know, what you need to know, et cetera. And, as you keep doing that, you'll grow. Trust is a big issue, and like many things in life, it is earned. I recommend you keep coming back, keep asking questions, and keep being honest.
Very good points Diva and Tiger!. Thank you for your kind words of support and just yesterday I received my list of Al Anon meetings in my area. I am excited bout it and nurvous too. I am really shy (intervert). But my counselor said that it will help me alot. I am also estranged from my family and my brother is on drugs and I do not have any grandparents alive either. I am getting along though I am 32 and I live with my roommate who has been a tremendous help for me as well as you all!
Anyway what I want to ask you, is do you suffer a lack of trust because of a family members booze? If so has it damaged any of your relationships with anyone because of it?
