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Well it is 3:30 in the morning and I just can't sleep....so much has happened these past few days.....I am finding things out that my husband did to me every day...and it is not a good thing....
To date, I have received 3 letters from magistrates, he stole my check book and so far he has about 2,000 in bad checks out there....the bad thing is the checking account is mine...not his....he is not even authorized on it...so now I have to press charges of theft or pay the money back...and I just don't have that kind of money right now.....and I am tired of his disease steeling from me and thekids...
So I will have to do a very difficult thing, I will have to have him arrested....He left me with no choice.....he is homeless, and penniless right now....and that was the path he walked so he can deal with it......I don't think he ever gave a thought to what was next only where he was going to get his booze and drugs.....
He called me last night and said, I have no money and I need to get to drug and alcohol from the hospital.....as mean as this sounds, I said, find your own damn way I am sitting here looking at all these checks I am responsible for...he said, I will take care of that and I said, with what you got some money I don't know about...
I know we are not suppose to be mean but damnit, I can't help it.....I am furious that he would try and ruin my credit and my name....very small town...he can do whatever he wants in his life but leave me the hell out of it.....
My daughter is starting to get real mean these days...she is tired of hearing about her crack head dad and what he is doing....zach is coming around fine thank god....well the good news is my boss gave me Monday off so I can go and finally file for divorce....wow to me this is huge....I have to keep moving forward...sometimes I feel like I am scratching and crawling only to be knocked a step back...but it's ok, I will get there one day.....I will finally have a totally new life for me....and I am so looking forward to that.....
I do have sympathy for him, but I know I must take care of me and the kids first that is just the way it is....
I am so trying to hang on odat, getting thru, some days are better than others and even though he is not living here I am still feeling the rath of the disease.....
Thanks for listening, needed to vent...praying for the strength to get thru this one....it is not going to be easy, but it is necessary to file these charges...for myself...wow...what the hell is next............
(((Andrea)))) wow, just when we think it can't get any worse......
I have filed charges against my husband in the past, too. It sucks. But sometimes it is the only way, as in your case, involving $$$ and trying to raise the kids too.
I filed to try to force my husband into sobriety. (stupid, stupid, stupid, but that's what I believed then) Oh, how I wish I had Al-Anon first and made more rational decisions in my life. I wonder who different my life would be right now if I had known about Alanon years ago. I might not even recognize myself. Hopefully.
But, it sounds like you are doing things rationally. Think it through before you act. Something I usually fail to do. Something I am learning to do, sometimes. You can't teach an old dog new tricks???Yes, you can. Sometimes it just takes longer!
Hang in there sweetie, things will work out ok for you and the kids. Keep coming back.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's all so very unfair sometimes.
I would be angry about the credit thing too. And sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do in order to protect ourselves and our families. This is very tough though, I know.
Keep posting and keep venting. It's important to get it all out and find your clarity. Sometimes we have to take two steps forward and one back, but its all progress, even though it may not seem that way at the time.
I'm sorry you're hurting and having to deal with everything that has happened!
Sure, Alanon says that we are supposed to detach with love, but it also says that we are to take care of OURSELVES. That is exactly what you are doing, trying to make sure your life doesn't end up in the ditch because of his actions. Seems to me that you are trying to do what's in your own best interest, as well as the best interest of your kids. They need someone on their side, and you are doing what you think is necessary.
You are such a strong person, hang in there, you will find what you need to make it through this mess!
Oh ((Andrea)), honey, what you are doing is not mean at all. There is nothing mean, or hateful, or selfish, or anything in what you are doing. You are detaching believe it or not.By letting your husband suffer the consequences of his disease, and by doing the next right thing, you are letting God do his job. I know, it is painful. But, as you can tell from some of our other members going through this, only by suffering consequences does an alcholic reach their bottom.
Andrea, PLEASE, do the next right thing. Listen to the magistrates and let the police do their job. I know, I know, this is terribly painful. I completely understand how your children are hurting. What this disease does to us and to everyone around us is disgusting. But please, trust me when I say that things will be okay. That you will be okay. And that you are not going through this alone.
I wish we had a hugging emocon, so you could know that I'm ((HUGGING)) you.
Andrea: You are right in that divorce is huge for you. I have watched you stand by him through thick and thin. I have stood by the boyfriend through so much, illness, debt, indecision. He always turns it on me.
I get so fed up with his acting out. I also get tired of the secrecy, the everything is the huge secret that eventually ends up in my lap. I can empathise with it is exhausting, humbling, demeaning, corrosive and much much more. I have no idea what the boyfriend is doing for money. I know it goes nowhere. I also know he makes money and spends it on something not related to the house. Who would choose to live this way? No one.
I am also flat out of compassion Andrea. I feel some for the fact he had an awful mother (so did I). I feel some for that he has been ill (so have I). I also feel that it is a one way street, I give he takes.
Good for you for putting it out there what you have to deal with.
(((andrea))) I am sorry that you are going through this!!! It all reminded me of what I went through with my ex husbands addiction to meth! I posted yesterday about my daughters wreck...It was durring this time I was seperated from my ex.
He would come durring the middle of the night after we were in bed and sleep in the driveway. Take what he wanted from the shed and garage while we slept. With a broken pelvis and broken jaw, my daughter on a liquid diet was up on and off all night to go potty and needed help getting there. I think we sleep walked. When we slept...A national emergency couldn't wake us. Looking back I should have called the police, but I was just too tired, too traumatised, too much in shock to deal with him. Looking back it gave him a green light.
I try not to look back because hindsight is 20/20. However I believe if I knew what I know now and went through this again I would call the police in a new york second. It has taken me 4 years now to set the boundry that this is my home and he must respect it. I am still not sure he respects it.
Lots of prayers coming your way (((Andrea))) Hang in there, Things have gotten better here, One day at a time.
What can I say? Only that you are loved and cared about deeply. I know you are doing the right things for you and your kids. You have good instincts and I trust them. Keep working on building your new and better life, my dear friend. Even when it seems like you are making progress very slowly......it's still progress. You will come out on the other side of this a better and even stronger you. Chuck is making his own mess of things. You, on the other hand, are doing so wonderfully good. Hang in there and know I am praying for you and God is in control. He won't let you down, Andrea.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. You know you are very brave,and i admire that about you. You are doing the right thing so keep it up. I will keep you in my prayers. I love you and miss you
Lauren aka ash
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~life is like a box of chocolates you never know whatcha gonna get~
Yes you love your husband, but good for you for taking care of yourself. I absolutely believe in holding addicts responsible for their actions. They have a disease, yes. It explains their behavior but certainly does not justify it.
Do what you have to that's in your best interest and your childrens'. I am so proud of you for keeping to your boundries. I broke mine so many times out of "love" for my hubby that I it not only hurt him in the long run. More importantly it hurt me in the long run.
I know there will be days when your heart breaks and it seems like you can't go on. But we are here for you dearest friend. We love you and will always keep you in our prayers.
Love and blessings to you and your children.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I just wanted to hug you and let you know that you are going to be ok my dear.
Don't spend any time feeling guilty because you have been most gracious through all of this. As you said, all you wanted was to be left alone. You bear the responsiblity for the children and the house and everything else. You are doing admirably. You are not being mean. You are setting boundaries that he has crossed over. I love Diva's news flash. They illegally allowed him to ............. whatever. Go back to them and make them pay. They've got lots more money than you.
Love ya,
Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
(((((Andrea))))) I am so sorry to hear that he did that to you, but you have to do what you need to protect yourself. Maybe if he is arrested it may help wake him up.....too late to repair the damage to your relationship, I know this, but maybe in time to save his life? Anyways, you know I am here anytime of the night or day, do NOT hesitate to call me if you need to talk.
Andrea, PLEASE, do the next right thing. Listen to the magistrates and let the police do their job. I know, I know, this is terribly painful. I completely understand how your children are hurting. What this disease does to us and to everyone around us is disgusting. But please, trust me when I say that things will be okay. That you will be okay. And that you are not going through this alone. 
