The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The answer to your problem is the A says . you know what he is acusing u of isnt true and I suspect you have tried to show him just that . Ignore his accusaions and know that it is booze talk . picture a bottle of his fav drink in the middle of his forehead casue that is what your talkin too. The most u justify and try to explain the worse it gets. There is no need to defend yourself simply know that u are not doing what he accuses u of . in other words Detach
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) Just remember than when our A drinks their minds are altered,some worse than others. Both my parents are A's. I detached from one right away for safety reasons,and the other I am working on. Just remember nothing we do or say will affect them emotionally. There are not their emotionally. All they really honestly care about is when they are going to get their next drink. Sad but true.
Lauren
__________________
~life is like a box of chocolates you never know whatcha gonna get~
It never ceases to amaze me how the As in our life are able to make us feel guilty and really bad about ourselves.
The only way I was able to keep my sanity when my As were doing the same thing to me was to distance myself and remind myself that I wasn't doing any of the things that they were saying I did. I also reminded myself that what they were doing was a form of verbal abuse - and I decided that I wasn't going to be the brunt of the verbal abuse anymore.
I also got into individual therapy to regain my own self worth, but I also found ACOA and Alanon. This program really does help to regain our own sense of worth.
Hang in there. Get to f2f meetings and know that you're not alone.
I know exactly how you feel. My A husband use to accuse me all the time of running around on him. I can remember a time that a friend and I went walking around the block for exercise. We ended up stopping at a house that was having a yard sale and I guess that my husband thought I was gone for too long so he came looking for me. We had already left the yard sale and was on our way back home when he found me. He accused me of meeting someone which was very embarrasing for me in front of my friend, not to mention ridiculous. I tried to reason with him to no avail by asking him "What did he think? Did he actually think I had met a man and threw him down on the pavement and made wild, passionate love to him? Crazy, I know. I think in my husband's case he had very low self-esteem issues and his mind was altered when he drank, making him irrational and very difficult to deal with. I also think sometimes that the A's know how they treat us and think we are constantly looking for a way out. My husband also had trust issues because of an ex-wife which for the most part made my life a living hell. I hope you are going to f2f meetings. I have learned alot about alcoholism and the ism's that go along with it. Learning to detach from the disease has been a big help for me too.
JADE = you don't need to Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain
You know that you are doing nothing, getting sucked into trying to make the A see that he is wrong and you are innocent doesn't do anything but seem to give them more ammunition. My A like to pick out things I was saying, twist them into something else and slam me w/ them. I loved the JADE, everytime I went to open my mouth to Explain myself I would remember. I am okay, I know what I am doing and it is useless to keep talking to him while he is actively drinking.
Try responding w/ simple answers if you feel like you have to answer. Say it once and only once, him making you feel like you have to keep saying it over and over is just sucking you in. Keep reminding yourself that what he is saying is distorted, it has no value or truth and what he is projecting on you is his own insecurities.
You are okay, and I think you know it -- it's time to stop putting value on what you know is untrue. This is one of the first steps in gain back your selfesteem.
JADE = you don't need to Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain
You know that you are doing nothing, getting sucked into trying to make the A see that he is wrong and you are innocent doesn't do anything but seem to give them more ammunition. My A like to pick out things I was saying, twist them into something else and slam me w/ them. I loved the JADE, everytime I went to open my mouth to Explain myself I would remember. I am okay, I know what I am doing and it is useless to keep talking to him while he is actively drinking.
Try responding w/ simple answers if you feel like you have to answer. Say it once and only once, him making you feel like you have to keep saying it over and over is just sucking you in. Keep reminding yourself that what he is saying is distorted, it has no value or truth and what he is projecting on you is his own insecurities.
You are okay, and I think you know it -- it's time to stop putting value on what you know is untrue. This is one of the first steps in gain back your selfesteem.
Crazy, I know. I think in my husband's case he had very low self-esteem issues and his mind was altered when he drank, making him irrational and very difficult to deal with. I also think sometimes that the A's know how they treat us and think we are constantly looking for a way out. My husband also had trust issues because of an ex-wife which for the most part made my life a living hell. I hope you are going to f2f meetings. I have learned alot about alcoholism and the ism's that go along with it. Learning to detach from the disease has been a big help for me too. 