The material presented
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It never ceases to amaze me-the level of selfishness an a has. My ah has been crazy off and on about him having to get rid of his stuff to bring in some money so we can pay for a lawyer for this latest bout with the law. I am BROKE!!! I can't get another loan b/c of debt to income ratio--not that I want to--but it helps get him off my back when I really can do no more!
So to pay for things--he has to sell his 4-wheeler (which is really my 4-wheeler since I bought it) and his fighting roosters (which yes I will be glad to see them go--he talks about how relaxing it is to go and take care of them, but I am the one who mainly takes care of them and they cost us about $200/month in feed)
So he was fuming the other night. Going on and on about how everyone has it out for him and everyone will be so happy when he has nothing. He feels so used (b/c he couldn't get $5000 for his used-4 yr old 4-wheeler, that has done nothing but give him trouble). I finally just told him I was sorry things weren't working out the way he wanted them to--but if he continued to work his program the way he was doing maybe the next time he was able to buy a "toy" or just something he really wanted he wouldn't have to sell it he may just be able to keep it. Then I went into the house and away from him. (Secretly seething inside, b/c I just wanted to scream you think you feel used!!!)
so then he hints around about how I talked to my dad about everything except what I really need to talk to him about--He wants me to ask my folks for the $$. I already told him I wasn't going to ask for it and I didn't want him asking them for it. They paid for his rehab, his last probation amount and my grandfather bought me a car. I don't want anymore help from them financially. I want my husband to put on his big boy pants and take care of his business!!!!
Then I found out he was bad mouthing my dad, b/c he hasn't offered to just pay for his attorney. I didn't say anything to him b/c he is refusing to think like a responsible adult--if you were the dad and your son-in-law has taken advantage of you and your daughter and you have already helped out in so many ways--would you really just fork over more money? Not that my dad doesn't love my ah--he does, but he just wants to see him take responsibility for what has happened and his life.
I told my friend the other day--it must really hurt to have to grow up all at once at 35. You know the rest of the world grows up slowly over time the addicts/alacoholics don't and then when they get sober to have to grow up must really be truly painful----but unfortunately for them it is still necessary!!!!!! (just like it is for the rest of us)
You know that is one very obvious thing that progressed in my AW. She was once so giving to a flaw, and today does many of the things you describe.
In my eyes, I see a person who started drinking to ease some pain, when that stopped working, she needed something else to do that. That turned her into a purpetual "taker", and unfortunately she can never quite get enough to overcome the original pain plus now the guilt of the drinking.
This is only my opinion of what I see in my AW.
It is sad really, but like you say... can be very maddening to!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
It is my experience that whenever soemeone has to take responsibilty for themselves, the first thing they do is panic. I heard in a meeting "Underneath anger is fear."
I think it would be wise for your alcholic to pay for the lawyer himself, as you have implied. You have shared that your finances are in enough of a state without his to do's. Perhaps his lawyer has a payment plan availible; perhaps there is a sliding scale. Whatever it is, this is his mess. Let him suffer in it.
