The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't quite know how to start this, so I will just be Ally, and come right out with it. Someone came into the chat room the other night and said "the acoa meeting is just about to start, is anyone comming in. So the chat room was quiet, and I went in. I had been in a few times already before, I listened, shared, and after the meeting I had a chat with the people in it.
Here starts my story (lol). I was asked who my A was, I said I DON'T have an A (lol). My dad worked all week. He was a trucker, who drove chemicals, so he couldn't drink, as It was a very dangerous job. So he drank at the weekends. When he started drinking on a friday night, he would really belt into it. Have a hangover in the morning, and then start again on the Saturday night. This to me was NOT an Alcoholic.
My impression of an Alcoholic was they drank ALL day, EVERY day. But on telling this to the roomies, they said to me "sounds like an Alcoholic to me". I was SHOCKED. My dads behaviour in drink was totally different from sober. His personallity changed. He became, agressive, angry, violent,(not towards people), smashed things up, punched doors, walls, etc.
This was a pattern every weekend of my whole life, I grew up hating New Year (still do), Because that was a riot every year, because of too much Alcohol. My mum took a drink, but NOT alot, and she knew when to stop. So when i started talking to people the other night, things fell into place, started to make sense, and I saw for the first time my dad probly was an Alcoholic.
The good thing that happened to him was (lol), he had a heart attack when he was 49 years old, He survived it, but that put a STOP to the really bad drinking. He still had a few bad episodes over the years, but they beacame less frequent, and NOT as violent. The last one was 3 years ago, He still has a drink, now and then, but only a few and does not get drunk anymore, and his personallity is NOT the same as it was.
As for me, well, I've had issues ALL my life, the last six years especially for me have been been a mess, Depression, OCD, Anxiety, everything was just crap. I never knew why I had become like this, and I felt I was just mental, So when I discovered this the other night, I was shocked, and I wanted to cry so much. But I was also relieved, For the first time in my life, I had an identity, I was a child of an ALCOHOLIC, (I can say it), I had a REASON for being, insecure, scared, unbalanced (lol), It made me feel human, and alive.
I have shared this in the chat, and at my f2f meeting, I am riddled with, Anger, Resentments, because I feel my family went through Hell for years, and If someone had told us my dad was an Alcoholic before we might have been saved all that fear we went through.
But Im working my programme, starting my steps, and Im praying for guidence in all this, and hoping I can stay as tough as I was, when facing up to an Alcoholic for years (lol). But I know I needed to hear this, I feel now, (i didnt 3 days ago lol), this is the right time for me to face this. I am determained I will grow through this, and become a stronger and better person for it.
I have the help of all my Al-Anon friends, my family, and some special people in my life, I know I can count on.
I just felt I needed to say this to get some release from my mind, and I know you lot like a good laugh (lol). Just goes to show you all, Ally is just like you guys, Laughter can sometimes hide a whole lot of pain, well I've been hiding TOO long behind mine.
So thanx for ALWAYS being here for me.
My Life would NOT be mine with out you Guys.
Love Ya All
Allycat
(Ally)
A big hug especially to my good friend (((((((((((((luckyeddie)))))))))))))) whose having a tougth time just now, Keep on smiling my friend. xxx
I was in my twenties before I actually realised my father was anA. I am intelligent and have a good job etc, yet I could not see what was so obvious. I made excuses to myself for years and did not understand that my childhood was thwarted with alcoholism.
My younger sister admitted it before me. She would openly tell people that her father wa s an A. At first I was stunned at this, but over time I was able to realise it too. And I am now on my recovery path.....
There are many people here who understand and who will help you in your growth. I'm so glad you found these pages. Must be HP showing you your path!
You've started on your own path to recovery, and the miracle is starting to happen to you too. How special you are.
I am SO happy you shared you feelings with us and got them out in the open. Stuffing only creates pain for us, not healing........it's only good in turkeys!! It sounds like you have had an Aha moment and I hope it is just the beginning of a new way of living your life.....a better and truly happier way.
I am so thankful for your sense of humor and your friendship. You are a dear lady! Keep up the good work and taking care of you. You matter and you deserve to move forward and find peace in your recovery. Knowing you makes me smile!
Love and blessings to you ~ Lexie (aka, sexielexie )
Welcome home. We don't call this Miracles in Progress for nothing. Keep doing what you are doing and you will recover. We are always here for you. We love you just for you and all your foilbles, because we have them too. You're a good person.
Love and blessings to you.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
We all find recovery in our own time. To some it may seem like we missed out, or got here too late, but I think HP got me here right at the point when I was best able to listen.
Like someone told me on here once, when he came here he was on his knees and if he hadn't been he might not have stayed.
If you give it a chance it can truly work miracles.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Hello dear--I think, to me, the reading from courage to change is helpful here. It means so much to me. It describes the bark on a tree, and how when the tree grows naturally, it will slough off it's bark. But if the bark gets torn off, for whatever reason, it is in danger of dying.
For whatever reason your belief of your father was challenged, I can understand the feelings of "OMG...this can't be!" or, "OMG, I'm a fool!" But to me, the more important thing is, like a tree eventually gives up the bark, you are willing to look at yourself, your beliefs and say "Is this still true for me? Is this still how I feel? Is this really real for me?" This, to me, is the essance of growth. The basis of recovery. With out these very important questions,there can be nothing else.
I also think that ultimately we have to define for ourselves how we define an "alcholic." If it's simply someone who drinks too much, than everyone I know at this college is an alcholic. But if it's someone who puts their finances in danger, their family in danger, their job in danger,....because of their drinking, then things are getting murkier. What does that mean--"in danger?" How does a family feel "in danger?" And these are the questions that you are dealing with.
Hen you were guided here for a reason and now you know just what that reason is. I'm so glad you found Alanon and ACOA, now your healing can start The room is so much brighter when you are there with all your jokes. Take your time in the program and be gentle with yourself, and take things ODAT.
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We don't call this Miracles in Progress for nothing. Keep doing what you are doing and you will recover. We are always here for you. We love you just for you and all your foilbles, because we have them too. You're a good person. 
