The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Woke up this morning in a great mood. Went to work I got an email from my A first thing this morning, so I was feeling a little vunerable. Then a little while later I got a call from mom asked me to go to lunch so I said sure that would be fun. My mom and I have a strange relationship. She sees things totally different then I do. I rarely agree with anything she says but I do respect her opinion, and love her for the woman that she is. We talked about some problems I am having with my computer(s). Then bam out of no where she wants to have a convo about my A. I kept hearing blah, blah, blah, I know she means well but today wasn't a day that I could handle this conversation. Funny thing is it was just one word on the email this morning. "G'morning", I don't understand how I can be doing good then all of the sudden I feel like I am sufficating inside again. Ok, deep breath......exhale. Thanks for letting me vent.
Can't say why it effected you that way, but I have a picture of why I do that.
My AW called me last night at 10:45. I get all knotted up inside... she said she wanted to tell me good night and she loves me. Well, I told her I love her too. But my heart was racing and I was projecting another round of "...why are you doing this to me."
Just a good reminder that now I have to get to serious about working on me, I still have such a long way to go.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I know what you mean about the parent thing! I love my folks to death, but they see things differently from me and even when I tell them I am really not in a good place to hear what they have to say they have to tell me anyway. My sister says I'm doing my "job" by just listening to them and shaking my head.
Hope you are having a better day today. Peace to you.
Whenever I hear from the As in my life - I always get a knot because I have to get defensive - because I don't know if they are drunk, sober or hung over. My adrenaline is ready, and I am ready to "fight or fly"...and then I get all of the physically ill symptoms (stomachache, headache, etc.)
Then - when one of the well-meaning people in my life try to talk about the As in my life - I feel beat up. I feel beat up enough from the As in my life and what I really want/need from my friends and non-A family members is support.
Feel free to vent here. Know that we care and we understand.
Noni - My mother is exactly the same way. She seems to think she is helping me by critisizing the A's disease. It's like she thinks I am unaware of what is going on in my own life. To be honest, I think she is hoping I will start bashing my AH too! She offers no support or compassion and it only makes things worse for me. I am learning to detach from her and flat out tell her that the subject is not open for discussion. If you have the book "The Language of Letting Go" read the entry for July 15 called Family Buttons. Here is an excerpt:
..."We cannot control what they do or try to do, but we can gain some sense of control over how we choose to react. Stop trying to make them act or treat us any differently...their patterns, particularly their patterns with us, are their issues. How we react, or allow these patterns to influence us, is our issue. How we take care of ourselves is our issue."
It's not easy to detach with love from our parents, but the serenity is worth the effort.
I appreciate all your comments, thanks I will take sometime to think about them.
Noni, I understand what you are saying. I tend to feel like I am always defending him and I don't understand why I feel that way. When all I really want to do is shake the stuffing out of him sometimes. I know my 3 C's, but somedays boy oh boy.
Babysteps, I don't have "the language of letting go", I will check with my home group and see if they have it or may have to order it from them.
Hudson, I felt a little pushed I think to answer her questions. Then I started to feel uncomfortable. I know she did mean well but I was a mess inside and just trying to find some serenity in my day.
Rtexas, "why are you doing this to me", this I understand all too well. My stomach turns everytime I hear a story about the bars, the friends drinking, the fights. So when he contacts me I feel like "why are you doing this to me", then I realized maybe my boundries aren't as good as I thought they were. What can I do to keep me from feeling this way? So fun and relaxing, and lots of it comes to mind. So back to the basics for me again.
