The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A has been coming over and staying on weekends and then staying at friends houses during the week that are closer to his work. Here's my problem. I feel as though I am getting sucked back in. I am starting to think in terms of "we" instead of "me". I am relishing all the love and kindness and not remembering enough all the horror. I find myself sinking back into my old ways of relying on him, wondering what he's doing why he doesn't answer the phone, worrying about everything. I don't know how to place the boundary. I like hanging out and spending time with him and having him see the kids but I don't want to have him move back in. The time spent at my house is growing exponentially. It's gone from 1 night to 3 nights in a matter of weeks.
On a good and strong note, I am taking my 3 kids and going to DC on Veterans day BY MYSELF! I just don't know how to moderate! Most of the time I enjoy hanging out with him but it's hard to get to OK it's time for you to go away now.
In order to keep my sanity I attend three face to face meetings a week. read int the ODAT and Courage to Change daily, and am slowly working the steps. All of this helps me keep things in perspective as I deal with any problems that arise. If you have a sponsor you may want to contact her(him).
Please don't think that I am offering advice - Here are suggestions that worked for me when my AH & I were dating - take what you like a leave the rest.
First we had to start communicating - that was difficult - I had to open my mouth and say No or Yes - like No you can't come over tonight, I need my time tonight. Second, we decided no over-night stays during the week - only on the weekends.
We set aside Friday nights as a meeting night - I went to my 6:00 Al-Anon & then met him for his Open AA meeting at 8:00 then out to eat after the meeting with recovery friends - Saturday night was our night - Sunday was our day until 5:00 - then we both went to our places to get ready for the week.
We usually would see each other once or twice during the week for a few hours. Of course, holidays - those plans were out the window as other special occasions we also made exceptions. But we tried to stick to a plan. Respect each other's space.
It helped. I guess what I trying to get at is if I want a boundary - I have to ask for it and be willing to stand by it. Ask yourself - what do you want? Do you want more alone time? Do you feel it is moving a little to fast? You can ask for it to slow down. You can ask for more time. You are powerless over his reactions, but you can still ask.
It's ok to take care of You and do what is right for you.
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
