The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I came back from my trip. My AHsober called at first making small talk, asking me how my team did, how was my friend, did I hear from the boys. And then he tells me he put earnest money down on a trailer and land. It is a great deal he says, it is a divorce settlement and its cheap and the only thing wrong is that the master bedroom burned. And I say a great deal for you not me. And he says I don't have to ask your permission to buy this. It is a good investment for him he says and I don't have to make this financial decision with you. Afterall, we are married in name only. He always makes hasty decisions that are never the great deal he think they are. The next day I called him and told him I didn't appreciate him mixing news about the boys and with dropping a bomb about our finances. We already have alot of payments and I would be responsible if he croaked tomorrow. I just told him that I thought he was just being so mean and ruthless and selfish. He said I don't care what you think anymore. We both calmed down. I just told him that he is asking from me something that I am not capable of doing. He says you won't let go of the marriage; you won't give me a divorce. I said when are we suppose to work this divorce in, when our son is in combat or when he comes home? I said that I need help and support and you refuse to give me anything.
We fall into this argument every time. I just felt that I needed to tell him that he was inappropriate in the way he bombed me. Nothing I can do - didn't cause it, can't control it that is for damn sure, and I have no clue how to cure myself. But I won't give up. I will keep trying.
I dont think you were wrong telling him how you feel.. They are YOUR feelings and it cant be wrong to share them. In my experience alcoholics dont make good decisions daily and that includes financial decisions. Take care of yourself and just try to focus on what you can do.. You cant control if he buys it or not so let that go... You can control how you react, maybe he was just trying to make you mad ??? When you stop having those reactions maybe he will stop making crazy decisions.. ( who knows if that will work but worth a try ) ..
We are all here for US and working on getting US better.. Ultimately it is all we can control..
It sounds like you need to seperate your finances, you're setting yourself up to be responsible for his poor decisions. Is there some way you can seperate the finances without a divorce if divorce is not what you want? You need to take care of yourself and protect your interests!
