The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Perhaps I should say using slogans against himself, I am just allowing it to affect me.
My A has been through treatment after treatment since teen years. Sometimes I allow myself to forget the disease can take someting good like the slogans and twist them for his own purposes.
Yesterday was the first time I heard it and actually responded in what I can say was a good manner. I was told "you have to have faith" well now .... I knew what he meant faith that he would get well, faith in him. I may have taken it better had it not been accompanied by the pop of a beer can opening *rolling my eyes*
My reply ... I have had faith for years, I still have faith that i will end up where I should be and I refuse to believe that where I am right now is what is best for me or where i am supposed to be forever.
I know many people have problems with thier As over being part of Alanon. Does anyone have experience with someone who will use thier knowledge of AA or Alanon to manipulate?
Waking up this morning, I had this idea in my head that maybe after years of hearing the principles and slogans of this program misused and as excuses, I may be resistant to them without even really knowing it.
Thanks for reading, wish you all well and happy this weekend!
After I found out about the online girlfriend and my AHsober began to send her flowers and received a Christmas card from her, etc,etc....I had alittle problem with hearing him say that he was 'right where he is supposed to be'.
I used to hate that saying.I understand it now and I can see how it can give one some comfort but it will always remind me of this time and how he used that to justify his actions.
IMHO, for an A to use the slogans as they were intended, he/she has to be living life under the umbrella of the slogan "do the next right thing." If the A is still active in the "isms" then he/she is still lying, cheating, hiding, manipulating, and living the self-centered existance of an A--whether or not he/she is using.
Two things that I have learned (and will never forget) since I came into program: (1) an A can be "active" even if he/she is not drinking; and (2) I cannot trust an "active" A or expect him/her to be trustworthy--no matter how much I want to.
Stay strong and keep coming back!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
My A always trys this "remember, you can only control you"....So I did ...I threw him out of the house . I can control who I live with. And now I can say to him.." I'm KISSing..I'm just "keeping it simple, stupid.
A's are the definition of deceit and manipulation.
People who "use their program against other people" are, in general, really grasping at straws. Their trying to get an advantage; so they see you in some state of serenity, and they stab at it.
Some times, the best solution is to never let them see you cry.
"It takes 2 to make a marriage work" meaning Me and my shadow
"God doesn't want any person to give up on another" meaning taking a stand to save my sanity is an abanation to her HP.
You are just "letting me go" meaning throwing her away
That is just yesterday. LOL Also a master of taking anything I say and immediatly saying it back to me to mean the opposite of what I said. Quite maddening. We are now having long conversations with me saying nothing at all so that doesn't happen. Keeps my mouth from getting so dry. <smiling>
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
