(((((((((Rtexas)))))))))),

I'm a bit behind the posts, but I send you my love and prayers anyways.  I know how hard this has been for you.  But I also have great faith in you and your sons.  You'll be just fine. They have a wonderful role model.  In time you will learn the difference between being alone and being lonely.  I was lonlier living with my active A than when I told him to leave.  I do hope your wife finds her sobriety and recovery.  So glad you're with us.

Love and blessings to you and your family. 

Live strong,

Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

((((((((((((rtexas))))))))))))

I too am behind in reading posts and just caught up today.... you bet there are those of us who truly understand the pain you are feeling right now. Even when we are doing something that is in our own best interest, it can still hurt like the dickens.

I had to leave my 2nd hubby two and a half months after the birth of our daughter (my youngest who just turned 15 on the 14th of this month). I found out shortly after she was born that my ex was cheating on me. My emotions were a yo-yo. One day I'd think how much I loved him and we'd work thru this, the next day I'd hate him and want him to hurt as badly as I did, the next day I'd be a crying mess, and so on. He chose to spend as much time away from home as possible, no remorse whatsoever.

I was on the phone to my sister telling her what was going on, how I couldn't eat or sleep, how I had to feed the baby formula because my milk never came in due to the emotional and physical stress, how he was threatening to take the kids from me because I was "acting crazy".... sis put my brother on the phone to hear about this, my bro said "i'll call you back"... he called back and said "dad and I will be there to get you within the week" (they were in Calif, I was in Michigan). I tried packing...got most of it packed thru my tears, dad and bro finished for me when they arrived. I remember sitting in the dad's van on the drive to Calif just wishing he would turn around and take me back. My son who was just turning two years old cried for "daddy" every night. That pain...that knife... twisting in my heart.

One of my parents friends came by shortly after we'd arrived at my parents house. He looked at me and said in horror to my parents "what did he DO to her?" (I was told this later). He said that because I was down to a size 3 (when I should have been at least in a size 7/8) - I looked like a skeleton. Didn't realize until much much later (months) that I'd been going thru a nervous/mental breakdown. I literally would have died at the rate I was going if my bro had not taken the reins to come and get me and the kids out of there. Had to apply for welfare, sitting in the welfare room in a class all day trying to fight back the tears, hating every minute of being there. Still going thru the yo-yo of emotions - "i love him... i hate him".

Did not find "myself" again for a good six months. Felt like an empty shell. Felt like no one understood. Did not have or know about Al-Anon. Surrounded by family and friends who all (but for one friend) would talk about what a louse he was, about how I was better off without him, etc. Not words I needed to hear then. Would "correct" me if I tried saying how I felt. All I needed then was someone to listen objectively and not give me their opinion... just listen. (That one friend did).

It is 15 years later now. Lots of water under the bridge. Have had several relationships since and then remarried (celebrated our 7th year anniversary this past oct. 10th). My daughter wrote to her grandfather a while back asking about her dad. That grandfather is the only one who ever kept in touch, bless his heart. He contacted her dad who called here out of the blue. I spoke with him for over 2 hours. He said he was sorry for how he'd been. Wow. I guess people can grow up/change. He's remarried too and sounds very happy - I'm glad for him, really. It is nice to be able to put the past to rest and be friends now.

We never know what the future is going to hold for us. There are going to be days of utter pain, but then there are also days of intense happiness. Both help us to appreciate the other. If all we ever had was sunshine...the earth would be a dry, scorched up place... we need the rain too. Al-Anon has truly helped me to appreciate the beauty around me of each day, whether it be a happy or sad day. Acceptance.... learning to live life the best I can.



"I wish you enough!"©
By Bob Perks

I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't know why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports.

I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye."I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.

I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.

Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.

On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said goodbye."

She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.

But I learn from goodbye moments, too.

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."

They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.

So I knew what this man experiencing.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."

He then began to sob and walked away.

My friends, I wish you enough!
by
Bob Perks

((((((rtexas))))) I wish you enough too!

Luv, Kis

It is nice to give support to you after all the support you give all of US.. Thank you for all the wonderful supportive posts.. They mean a lot to us too.. :)


Take Care
Tammy