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level.
My mother was euthanized at a Catholic hospice. Less than one week after her cancer diagnosis. All treatment and food were withheld from her. My mother was not asked or given a choice about this. I was carrying on like Shirley MacClaine in "Terms of Endearment" about how my mother had refused advance directives and had not declined treatment. No one would listen. I attempted to put my mother in a wheelchair and take her home. I have a bad back and my mother who most certainly was not wasting away from her cancer, weighed 220 pounds. I was unable to get her out and no one would help me. In front of the social worker, my mom said she wanted me to take her home. The social worker told me my mother would be sent home in an ambulance later. They later said my brother had power of attorney because now my mom was incapacitated!!! I told anyone who would listen that my mom had never declined treatment and she had the same rights as anyone else. Four days later she was dead. My mom was robbed of her choice and the little time she had left. I was robbed of my final time with my mom. I would feel differently if my mom had CHOSEN to have treatment withheld. She didn't and as far as I am concerned she was murdered
I hope this never happens to you or anyone you love.
I have heard the families of other murder victims say time does not heal this wounds.
I am so so sorry. There are no words right now that I can offer but to just let you know that we are here so you can post all you need to or want to.
My sister and I (who attended the wake of my Aunt this week who had Alzheimers) were talking this week about "living wills" and what is to be done in situations like these. Your post is reminding me that I need to take care of that very important detail.
My sympathies, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
My mom went the same way. I called the doctor and BEGGED for hydration and nutrition for her and my pleas went unanswered. My sister is an Rn and I had no say.
I am so sorry for your loss and your pain.
In support
Megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
I am sitting here with chills running up and down my spine. I, like dru, had no idea this could happen, esp. since your mother was NOT incapacitated. I am horrified, to say the least.
Please accept my sincere sympathy in the loss of your mother. There are no words to express my feelings.
I guess everyone, regardless of their age, or current health situation needs to have documentation of their wishes, should worse come to worse.
When I read this yesterday I was unable to post because the memories flooded back over me of my own mother's death as if it were yesterday.
My mom also was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery but the cancer was too far spread. I have 1 brother and 1 sister. We all met with the Dr's and agreed on hospice care in mom's home. I live in Texas and my mom lived in Kansas. My brother and sister both live in Kansas. Unknown to us, my sister had cancelled the hospice care ...3 times!!!!!!!! Each time we would reinstate it she would wait till we were gone and cancel it again. Always my sister would deny having done that. When my mom was hospitalized for the final time we arranged for the hospice worker to meet us at my mom's home when the ambulance took her back to her home from the hospital. This time my mom signed the papers herself.
The unfortunate thing is that was on Friday ... the very next day my mom was unable to speak and survived another 4 days. Yes, hospice provided morphine for her pain, but unfortunately we had never had the opportunity to have been involved with hospice to learn how to care for her and ourselves during these last stages. Those 4 days are imprinted on my mind forever.
I was so angry at my sister, she was always different and defiant and we could never understand her ways. Then later, last year, my sister committed suicide ... and again I was blind sighted. I have finally admitted to myself I guess that all those years my sister was mentally ill .....I still don't understand.
Life can be so strange sometimes. I still don't have answers to a lot of things, but I am glad that with the help of Al-Anon I am learning that sometimes we don't have to have answers, we just learn to "accept the things we cannot change."
My heart goes out to you. I'm so glad you do have us and the entire Al-anon family to help you. I didn't find Al-anon at first and I struggled in deep, deep depression for 3 years before I found help.
Because my sis has poa also for mom. Many disagreeable things have happened since she was given poa, and I have had not only my feelings, but my trust in my family hurt big time. For a short while sis pretended to seek and consider my advice on different issues, but the truth is, my input meant absolutely nothing. I will never trust her fully again. She lied to me and went ahead and did everything her way. I had to let go before I went crazy.
The underlying truth is that once an adult gives away her power legally, there is nothing more to be done. By that I mean my mother gave her power to my younger sis. So it appears that your mother gave hers to your brother for one reason or another.
All I can do is feel sorry for my mom that she thought so little of herself she gave control to another family member. Mistake.
I pray you and I will both find peace one day. My mom is still living, but that doesn't make it any easier because I know that when she does go, every detail will continue to be controlled by her poa anyway.
Hate to hear of the loss of your mother - please accept my humble sympathy. Also at a time when family should pull together, it is always sad when families can't.
I hope that you will take time for you, rely on your HP for only He can heal these hurtful wounds. Please know that we will try to be your "HP with skin on them" to send you thoughts of encouragement, love & hugs; just to let you know we care.
My thoughts & prayers are with you,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
