The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm trying my hardest to get all the gear ready for this weekend Boyscout camp out. I'm finding I'm loading my gun w/ resentments to shoot the A /w and realize I have the power to destroy this weekend. So I've come here to vent.
A's are like magnets to each other, it never fails that my A will find one at this event too. So I sit here and project what the weekend will be like, the dissappointment for the kids (all in my head because they have the ability to keep on enjoying themselves even if their father doesn't participate), What I'll do/say if the same female A will be there again this year (oh how wise I'll be if I open my mouth, NOT.) And the martyr in me is screaming look how I've prepared under all the stress I'm dealing w/.
Yep I have the ability to blow this weekend out of the water. Become the Bit** that this disease as the ablity to bring out in me. AUGH! Let go, let go, let go.....AND let God. Here is where I'm chanting the Serenity Prayer. OOOmmmm
(((Luna))) Look at your post :) The words of wisdom are your own.
the dissappointment for the kids (all in my head because they have the ability to keep on enjoying themselves even if their father doesn't participate) ..and so do you.
the same female A will be there again this year (oh how wise I'll be if I open my mouth, NOT.)
Let go, let go, let go.....AND let God.
You already have all the ammunition you need, you just have to hold on to it and take the high road.
Have a wonderful weekend and make good memories for you and your kids. Choose it!!
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I agree with Christy - you have already done the hardest part - you have recognized where your mind is going before you get there!!
The serenity prayer is a great tool & also tell your HP that you are willing to be willing to try a different way - A camp out - Ask for the ability to enjoy the nature around you, anytime you feel your focus being drawn to the A's, redirect it to the laughter of the boys, savor those moments spent with your kids - I'm sure you already know how fast they grow up.
For me, recovery all starts in my mind and my thinking, from your share, sounds like you are on a healthy path for a great weekend no matter what the A's decide to do. Just think, the A's could get lost in poison ivy or poison oak - ok, ok I know that's not very nice, but it was fun to think it for a minute - I apologize - I'm making an amends right now. Just wanted you to be able to relax and smile.
Enjoy the weekend & hope you will let us know on Monday how everything went with the camp out,
Remember Just breathe,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I have to tell you, I relate to what you are saying....the thing is you have the power.. you and you alone....you control your own emotions you can really and truely do this luna....Somehow, and for me it is every day by the grace of God...we get thru....we can find a way to make it better....we can find a way to have laughter instead of feelintg on edge every minute....
Girlfriend, you have to find a way to step out, step out of the world of addiction, with or without your A you can accomplish this...
I am sending you prayers.....I wish you nothing but a peaceful mind and a loving heart.....we can and do build mountains of ice around our hearts...and when they begin to melt it is wonderful....
Your post reminds me of something in the novel "Dolores Claiborne" by Stephen King. The main character(played by Kathy Bates in the movie) was a battered woman.
I think the quote was:
"Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hang onto."
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Just wanted you to be able to relax and smile.