The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks to all of you that this is a safe place - a place that I can say what I think and feel without ever being judged - Thank you so very much.
I can't say it to my beautiful step-daughter, Ashley, because I have to take care of me. I can't have any contact with her so I'll just have to say it here. "Happy Birthday" - Monday was her 29th birthday.
She was doing so well. She was living in a half-way house, she had gotten a sponsor, a job, she was going to 1 or 2 meetings a day, she was working the steps. She was establishing visitation with her children (and I was getting to see those precious 2 grandchildren - Jackson & Caroline) Oh, she looked soooo good. She is like all of our alcoholics/addicts before the disease takes their lives away - she is beautiful, smart, great personality and a really great Mom. She has been my daughter for almost 15 years and I love her just like I love my other daughters.
But, with this disease there is always a but - her old boyfriend started following her again - attacked one of her friends from her NA group, the friend had to have 10 stitches in his mouth, the old boyfriend busted two windows in the friend's car. Ashley wouldn't go to the sheriff's dept to file the restraining order - she relapsed that night - was evicted from the half way house.
Three days later she called me - guess where she was staying - you know it - at the old boyfriend's house and yes she was under the influence again. As always it breaks your heart. I am so grateful for a program of recovery. I told her "Ashley, I love you very much. I'm sorry that you have made the choices you have for your life. But I can't talk to you right now. Good-bye" I hung up the phone. That was Sunday. I haven't talked to her since.
Of course, there has been hundreds of phone calls & messages from her - with the disease talking, the victim mode - I don't have to tell you what she has said - all of you have heard it a million times - I am grateful for a program that reminds me that I don't have to call her back. I don't have to defend myself or my actions to her.
I will continue to lift her up to her HP. I will pray that she will return to a path of recovery. But I also know that if she doesn't, that she probably won't celebrate a 30th birthday - if the drugs & alcohol don't kill her - the boyfriend probably will.
But with the love of my HP, my recovery program, f2f meetings, sponsor, healthy friends, & MIP family - I know that I can be OK. I'll mourn the loss of a beautiful daughter - I mourn the loss today - but everyone has their own path - I must let her walk that path and I must walk mine.
Thank you for letting me share this with my MIP family. With my health issues, still waiting trying to get out of our damaged house, and the issues with Ashley sometimes it seems like more than I can take, but all I have to do is breathe - just breathe. And just for today I don't have to tackle all the problems I have - I just have to rest in the reassurance that my wonderful, loving HP is holding me and has a plan.
For each of you, today I wish you joy, happiness and peace beyond all understanding,
Thanks for being here,
Remember my favorite slogan -
Progress not Perfection,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
What a beautiful post. It IS a safe place, isn't it? I'm so sorry about your Ashley, she sounds wonderful in sobriety, but unfortunately the disease takes over. You are so brave to let her go, I think that is the hardest thing someone could ever do. It may save her life though. So so hard to not talk to them. You are an inspiration. You are saying in your post that you love her so so much but you will not be dragged down with her and the disease, and you will give her the dignity to deal with her consequences.
You are right, we all need to remember to breathe, just breathe, and know we are being carried on our path, whatever it may be or bring..... we are safe....
Thanks for your joy and hope through your pain....
Love and prayers....have a nice weekend (((Rita))))
I am so sorry to hear that. The disease is so strong, it is just amazing.
My Uncle (only 10 years older than me) was just as drawn to it's power. He floated in and out of our lives many times. Each one we thought just had to be it because it was just so tragic. I have some great memories of him when he was clean and with us. I prefer to remember him that way. But his life was wrought with suffering.
I hope your Step daughter finds peace and happiness at some point. You are all in my prayers.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Thank you for that sad but encouraging post. I say encouraging because I cannot believe the strength you have. To be able to not return those phone calls is real detachment.
What dignity you gave to your daughter. I am a over reactor. I am a reformed over reactor of course. I am in al anon. Your post was inspiring to me. I am sorry for your sadness and sense of loss. I am also aware your daughter did it once she can do it again. Of course the disease calls to them. Over reacting calls to me. I set limits on it every day. I set up a structure so I don't do it. Recovery is possible for all of us.
I am also sorry to hear about your health issues. I have my own. I have major major issues to attend to and put them off all the time. Today I am going to call my boss to hurry along the health insurance. I work for a major corporation the managers get pointers for every cent they save. They will not be saving on my account anymore.
It takes great courage and strength to let a child go and choose their own path even if its destructive. It is so difficult to let our children struggle when we see them going down a wrong road or in pain, but you are right she has to choose which direction she will travel. Your doing all you can do which is lifting her up to HP. Will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
You bring such joy, warmth and wisdom to this board. I am very glad you're part of our family. I will join you in saying "Happy Birthday" to your daughter. I pray she finds her sobriety and recovery too.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you for responding to my "3 Cs" post. It sounds like you have made some tough choices, in dealing with your daughter. I can certainly relate to the love and hope you feel. Maybe next year's birthday will be more of a celebration?
I've already learned so much and taken so much strength from the messages I have read and recieved here. I pray for you and everyone who lives this struggle. I'm grateful for my daughter's commitment - TODAY - to recovery. Peace and clarity. Kabbie
