The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things have been kind of topsy turvey the last couple of days. My brother has lung cancer, and for the last 6-8 weeks has gone thru testing. The results have been that it was contained to the left lung and that they would remove the lung. Now out of the blue we have found out that the test might have been miss read...That his heart might be too close to the tumor to remove it, or that there maybe some nodes involved. The doc told him they (the cancer doc's) would be meeting as a team on Thursday (yesterday) I guess and let him know on Monday...He was shocked and not sure he remembers right. I don't understand why this should take 8 weeks but who knows.
He is an alcoholic and has been in and out of AA for 25 yrs. He is a chronic relapser and has at the longest been 5 years sober. He has slowed down alot in the last 10 due to medical problems.
He is so scared. Durring his drinking years most of his problems were solved by running away. A good old geographic. This morning he told me he really would like to do that.. He would really like to get drunk too...But the last few times have left him pretty sick..drinking doesn't ease the pain like it use to..
I feel sad for him. All those years that I would have liked to kill him. The pain his alcoholism caused our mom... The time he missed with us...He disappeared for at least 10 years using...He was on the east coast...we are west coast...we didn't know if he was dead or alive...
Thank goodness for the alanon I have...Today I feel sorry for the life he never really got to live, The family he never got to know, the family he never knew he had...He used alcohol to cope...
He told me once how alcohol teased him into using after he was sober after a while...he said his mind would tell him...You have been so good for so long you can have one...and that one would lead to many, usually he would not stop until he ended up in jail or the hospital...sounds so innocent
So today..here we are...He said he doesn't want to drag his family thru this...us watching him wither...I told him...to steer his ship...I choose to steer mine right next to his no matter his choice, no matter the out come...I love him...
today I decided that each day is precious and to not forget to say i love you to those important...and not be afraid to ask for help.
He lives 70 miles away and won't hear anything from his docs until Monday...We are going to go spend the weekend with him. No sense waiting for news alone...the committee meeting could be difficult for him.
I would like to ask you all for prayers, that we can focus on gratitude and not on what ifs or why's...and that maybe just maybe...the bad stuff they think they are seeing is some kind of weird shadow or something...
