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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Hate me today...
Post Info TOPIC: Hate me today...
rtexas


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Hate me today...
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(((((Everyone)))))


I heard a song on the radio this morning on the way to work.  I had been ... uh... rocking my therapy I guess.  The others on the road hopefully thought I was on my hands free cell phone. LOL


Just before I hit the parking lot a song by Blue October came on.  I have heard this song hundreds of times, but although I can sing along with them... I never really paid attention to what it said til this morning.


I got real emotional about it.  Glad I was parked by then.


I did a quick search to grab the lyrics for it and below is what I found.  It came from someones blog they obviously share as a family.


I am hanging in there, although things have been quite crazy.  (As if that would be supprising LOL) 


Just wanted to leave this with my dear family here and let you know I am still trucking along today.


Take care of you!  


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know you're under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

I have to block out thoughts of you so I dont lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that Im alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didnt do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

Im sober now for 3 whole months its one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I wont touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So Ill drive so xxxx far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didnt do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling Make it go away!
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered How can you do this to me?

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didnt do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you
For you
For you
For you



-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 18th of March 2009 01:58:16 PM

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TLC2


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WOW!


I have never heard that song, it left me speechless. I can see why you were glad you were parked!


Praying for you all, with love in the program, TLC



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Sending lots of TLC2U
twinmom2


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Very powerful lyrics... I can relate.  Your in my thoughts and prayers.


(((Hugs)))


Twinmom~



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hersh


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(((RTexas)))


Wow, intense song.  My sister loves that band, I have never really heard them.


I am thinking and praying for you and your family everyday! 


Hope you have a good day... blessings to you...


Love, HeidiXXX



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Lunamoth


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Hate Me Today reminds me of how selfish A's are, it's all about them.  It's much easier to run away, push people away then it is to face things.  This songs says to me, it's too painful for me to be with you so I'm setting you free.  YUCK .....  (sorry )


Have you heard Evanescence's Call Me When You're Sober


Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves .
And I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn't take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.

So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind



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Akasha


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That song - the beginning is really the lead singer's (Justin Furstenfeld) mom on his answering machine.  This bit of tape is, from my understanding, all he has left of his mother as she has since passed away.


 


I love this song because it did more to explain to me WHY my A would beg me to hate him and to leave.  I believe a major point of the song is that "this is too painful for me so I'll release you"....illustrating a feeling that I know my A has tried to do to me.  Justin seems to be addressing the wrongs he feels he's done in his life before sobriety.  I respect the honesty he shows and how hard it must have been for him to write this song and then give it to the world, to reveal himself unabashedly....


 


The first time I heard the song, I knew right away how special it was to me, before hearing it completely.  It is remarkable and I thank Justin for sharing something so painful with me, something that makes me understand so much more what my A had tried so long and hard to get across to me.


 


Anyway - just my ramblings on the song....


~Laura



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purplebutterfly


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Wow what a powerful song with so many emotions

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kitty


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The video is so intense it makes me cry, they play it on VH-1.  At the end, he's visiting his mom's grave.


Their 2003 album is absolutely brilliant, it's called: History for Sale.  A lot of the songs are relatable in a dysfunctional sort of way & have given me a lot of strength...  "Calling You;  Chameleon Boy;  Ugly Side;  Inner Glow;  Razorblade;  A Quiet Mind""... below is a link to that album & u can click on the lyrics, all very poetic & moving. 


http://www.lyred.com/lyrics/Blue+October/History+for+Sale/


Turns out it's a Houston (or Austin band ~ I forget) but the guy was institutionalized for a while & after hearing "History for Sale" over & over, it's great to see he's in recovery ODAT.


Music is so healing & it's amazing how once you start getting the program into your head, you begin to hear & identify with so many songs that are codie & addict related ~ it's amazing & liberating.


I posted a Papa Roach song lyrics before too that were super codie, we are not alone.


Love ya, -K



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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
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