One second at a Time - Al-Anon Family Group

Andrea12 · ~*Service Worker*~

One second at a Time

Maria123 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((Andrea)))))))))))),

I am so sorry you are going through this hon. Part of the stages of grief. Keep walking, Andrea, you will get through it hon. If you can, try to keep yourself and the kids engaged, play a game together, get outside and take a walk, watch Disney movies, read with each other, have a tickle

rumble with them. The momentary distractions help the days not seem so long for both you and the kids.

We are here for you. Love, Maria

Faith73 · Senior Member

(((Andrea)))) hugs to u.

Hang in there, it will get better , trust hp to guide you. You will be stronger by going thru the stages of grief, the only way out is thru, and it will pass. I know during those times, i tend to feel alone. Remember, you're not alone. see if you can get to f2f or come online for chat, or do something that u love to do.

Love in recovery, Christine

drucilla06 · Senior Member

((((andrea))))

I completely understand.I too felt the horrible pain of grief and sadness over the end of my marriage.Even tho it was not a great marriage.I think I grieved for what I THOUGHT I had.In reality from my new perspective I never had what I felt I lost.( hope that makes sense) I really didn't lose anything but the illusion.

It will get better.Fight to stay positive.As Maria said, try to find something fun to do with the kids.The sadness will return until you get through it but at least you will have some pleasant escape.You have much to be grateful for and so do your children (even the dog should be grateful that he is getting a better life, lol)

When is the last time you had pretty flowers in your home? Buy yourself a bouquet,you have earned it.You don't have to spend a fortune,most big grocery stores have a floral area.Just a thought.Try not to focus too much on the questions about the A.The only answer is it's a disease and that's not much comfort,I know.

You are stronger than you think and you are doing great.I am proud of you.You are an encouragement to me since I will be moving out on my own soon.Keep going and posting.

Love ya dru

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

-Hugs Andrea, so what are you doing that can sortof lighten things up?

It is ok to still do things. After awhile it will be ok. I am talking you and the kids and the dog go for drives, get ice cream, go see what there is to see in your area.

My kids and I went on day hikes with our dogs, went to fish hatcheries, the mountains, the beach.

Fed the ducks, visited pet stores went to malls. Just had fun. I bought each of us a raft, life jackets and stuff and we began rafting all over the place in Oregon.

After awhile we were living our own life. It was hard at first, but the more we did stuff, the better it got. We all need anti stressors.

Also changed what stressed us at home. For me I hate paper. I started throwing all the dumb mail away, just anything I did not need or want.

I don't like too much stuff like cloths. Get rid of what stresses you. Becuz right now you have too many heavy things on you.

To me it is simple, the A's passion is his/her using. My passion is my kids, my friends, animals, plants, building things.

An A, well it is the drug, the getting the money for it the buying it the using it. Lotsa IV users LOVE needles. It is their passion.

They love their using first. period. That is how horribly strong it is. As much as you love your kids and would do anything for them, they love their drugs and do anything for them, lose anything for them.

very sad. Was hard for me to face. Then if they go on a program, that becomes their passion....

sending you love,debilyn

maresie2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Andrea: You are such a testamount to what the program is. Take it one day at a time. Of course you are sad, you have lost a great deal but also gained. You are no longer in denial no longer standing on your head trying to make it work. Focusing on myself has been the hardest thing I know how to do. I was and still am Ms. Martyr, Ms. People pleaser, Ms. how can I make it better. Learning to hold back has been difficult. I am learning the beauty in having a day go well rather than listening to the inner tyrant in me who asks why am I not further along in this process. I am in a process and it is not always in my control.

I think it is phenomenal that you are working and thriving in spite of the chaos around you. Take care of yourself in this grieving time, rest, recuperate, allow yourself the space to be sad. At the same time as a friend of mine puts in find a way to improve the moment. I try to do that, get my house to working order, my bills paid, my head on straight.

Maresie.

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((((((Andrea)))))))))))),

Hold your children and dog close. Grieve for what was. You may not see it now, but you'll find your way. We've got your back. If there was a way to switch places with you even for a day, so that you might know happiness and laughter I would do it. But I can't. And that hurts me to see you dear friend hurting so much. All I can do is keep you and your family in my prayers and send you all the love in the world. Not much, but it's all I have for you dearest friend.

Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

peewee · Senior Member

Hi Andr,

I understand your feelings. As Maria suggested, keep walking, do some little fun time distraction, and know that you will heal even if ever so slowly.

Keep coming back.

Your friend Mspeewee

Lunamoth · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((Andrea))))))

For me, I had to feel it before I could move on. Then one day I just got tired of feeling so sad. One thing that really opened my eyes is when I was told that I set the "tone" for the house. If I felt down, my kids responded the same way -- and probably my dog too, lol. As sick as I was of the chaos of alcoholism, I eventually became even sicker of feeling sad for what should have been but wasn't. I was tired of internalizing all the things that I possibly could have done differently and the millions of things that he could have done differently and finally said NO MORE. It is what it is.

Then ODAT I started living. It took effort and some days it still does. It didn't just happen, I had to make it happen -- WoooHooo a place where it is okay to make things happen lol, I've started making a life. It does included taking care of me, but more than that, it's been about finding out who I am and what I like. I've suprised myself, I've found out I like to do things I never new I'd like. I started participating in me -- as a person, beyond a mom and wife. It's been interesting

I posted a while back about feeling hollow, w/ a lack of purpose. Jennifer said this "I've decided to look at the hollow feeling as the empty space left by releasing the need to care for him. As I start healing it will be filled with the wonderful things I have always wanted in my life."

As you start healing, you have the ablity to fill yourself with all the wonderful things you have always wanted in your life. You have that power. Isn't that an awsome thing?

I'm sending you many ((((hugs)))) and prayers that this part will pass quickly -- There really is light at the end of the tunnel

Noni · Senior Member

((((HUGS))))

I know it doesn't feel this way right now - but the pain does become less each day.

How does that happen? By grieving "what could have been." To allow yourself to feel. Take one day at a time. Count your blessings. The littlest of things. It makes a difference. Journal. Do something nice for yourself (pamper yourself - take a long hot bath).

When you do these things - the pain goes away.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.