The A's mother decided a few weeks ago to give up being a widow (a role she was pretty firmly glued to) and marry some man she had met at a high school reunion.  Keep in mind this was 51 years ago.  She claims that they know each other having known each other 51 years ago.  I have wisely, very very wisely kept all comments about his mother's actions to myself.

So the mother announces she will be out of the blue moving a few states away to live with this man.  She lives with the A's brother and he was told she would be giving up the apartment. The A stood on his head to get him another place.  He is supposed to be moving there on the 15th.

Now this weekend the mother is having a reception given to her by a friend of hers and the husband who the A has not been introduced to is flying in. They married a few states away and the mother returned to pack up her stuff and now he is coming in supposedly to help her.

The news now is that they have asked the brother to move out so they can be alone.  Being the great codependent I would like to make a huge song and dance about the unfairness of this.  I have said nothing. The A has broached the subject of the brother coming to stay at this flat which would be decidedly awkward since there is no room for him.  I have said very little about that either although I would like to volcanically explode about the fact that I don't see why I should have to put up with him there.  I am relieved tonight that there is no sign of the brother.  I just will keep my fingers crossed that he does not show up.

I think h is mother may have had some misguided idea that she could put whoever the out of town guests are that are coming for this reception in his room. He is a chronic marjuana smoker so his room is like a toxic zone.  If I ever went in there my eyes burned and I coughed for a long time.  I just canot imagine her gall in telling him to go stay somewhere else when he is packing himself.

I have had such a difficult time with this woman over the years. Two years ago the A had a life threatening conditon and her response was to give him a candy bar one night and tell him he was going to be okay.  I once called her when he was seriously ill in the hospital next to where she works and she told me that I had an incredible nerve to call her at work.  I have never spoken to her since.  I have avoided her not socialized with her and never spoken to her since.  Nevertheless she continues to influence my life in many ways.  If I did not know how to detach I would be stewed in resentment to a pulp by now.

I cannot wait till she is gone, although I have no doubt she will still call the A and I will hear about it.  I have distanced, set boundaries (I stopped all my interactions with her) and set tremendous limits on talking about her to the A (we once had one of the biggest fights ever at my outrage at her giving him a candy bar when he was seriously ill). 

If I did not have alanon I would be in little pieces about this latest demand the brother come and stay here when there is no place for him to stay (regardless of the fact I work at night and sleep during the day).  I say very very little and just keep hoping the brother will be able to stay at his own house.  I know when she is off on the plane with this new husband I will be so relieved I do not have to deal with her in the vicinity anymore.  What an exercise in detachment this next week will be to not say anything when the A regales me with whatever details about the reception and her interactions with him. 

The irony for me is that I once so wanted to be part of the A's family life and be included and be accepted.  Now I cannot be far enough away from it at the same time I say nothing mean, say none of the cryptic awful things I think about this woman's behavior which used to cause me such problems and just keep my feelings to myself.

At the same time I cannot wait for her to be gone gone gone from my life.  I will not miss one second of her self obsessed, demanding nature.  Saying nothing is very hard for me because I would love to make some smart remarks about how I hope her new husband never gets ill because she can't tolerate anyone being ill.  Saying nothing is the rational sane thing to do and it is so hard for me to do it and I just want to jump up and down and scream that I cannot stand this woman.  But I hold to the al anon slogan of saying nothing rather than to be mean and in the long run it feels so much better, but what discipline, what discipline for this out of control codependent.

Maresie.