The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been learning many things about me on this wonderful journey. But I guess the thing I have learned most recent is that I deserve to be happy. Lately when I had been talking to my A he would say one thing and do another. I know typical behavior but.. it made me start thinking do I really want to put up with this behavior day in and day out for the rest of my life. Last conversation I had with my A I told him please don't tell you are going to do things you have no intention of doing.I just wanted to be honest with him and let him know I was getting tired of all this. So the same night he told me something and did the opposite again. So haven't talked to him in almost a week. You know I wasn't angry or hurt. Just didn't care anymore about it. I am finally seeing all the things I was putting up with and doing for him and not getting much in return. Crazy part is all I wanted is love and some attention from time to time, weither it be talking, or cuddling, joking and or playing. I see all the ways I enabled him and tried to control him. Not a person I like to much looking back on. Granted I don't do much these days except work too much and spend time with my son. But for me right now it is enough. I am truly thankful for all I am being shown and learning. I read in another post sometimes just giving it to you HP and see what happens. Well I have done that completely now. I haven't been taken his phone calls or returning his emails. I know my HP will take care of me and do what is best for me. So until then I can and will wait for my HP to show me the way.
P.S. I like to send out a prayer request my son's father and I are trying to be friends. Ever since I talked to him about why I had so many unhealthy feelings towards him and finally laid that all to rest. He is very sick and is having a procedure done they think something is wrong with his liver. Please add him to your prayer list.
This is EXACTLY what I'm going thru with my A husband!!! I am sooooo sick of hearing the "I'm going to do this, or that", and it never gets done!!! So many people are mad at him right now because he can't be depended upon!! I have been striving towards a div-orce for the past year now, but I just don't have the money to go, and I won't depend on any-one to take care of me until I get a job or whatever. So, I have just distanced myself self from him emotionaly, and physically. He won't take a shower, brush his teeth, cut his hair, he doesnt even care what he looks like in public!! And then just a while ago when he left, he asked me who I was calling and what "his name was". Sometimes I wish I could be bold enough to cheat on him and let him find out, but I'm not like that!! It's his own stupidity that makes him want to believe that I am a cheater!! He doesn't get it....it's his own fault that I don't want anything to do with him!! Why can't he look in the mirror at himself and see that he's horrid looking!! EWW! I wouldn't touch him if my life depended on it!! I've been falling asleep on the couch for weeks now, and he doesn't get it!! I went to the laundrymat the other day, washed up all the bedd-ing....and here he comes home alll nasty and dirty and sleeps on what I just washed!! I cannot wait to get out of this marriage!! I have been seriously thinking about just moving out into my own place and worry about the divorce later! Apartments are pretty cheap down here in Ky!!! I just need another part time job tho and then I can do it!! Are all "A"s guilty of this? Today....he was ready to cut the grass and clean the aquarium and expected me to jump right up and help him! NOT!!!!! He lays around for days and doesn't do SH**...but then when I want to take it easy...forget it!!! I'm getting ready to blow my top, and it's not going to be much longer!! He's out drinking and driving AGAIN right now!! EWWWWWW!!!! I wish he'd get caught!!! The other night he almost went off the road. I thought DAMN!!! I wish he would have!!! And I know that is the wrong attitude....but sometimes I get so angry at myself for ever marrying this man in the first place. But....I did not understand that he was an "A". Boy do I know now!!! I don't post here much on the message board...but I read it everyday, and ya'll inspire me to keep on aiming for the day I walk out of here and NEVER come back!! Life is too short for this. And I'm sure my HP would not want to see me live the rest of my time on earth wasting away with a man who doesn't care about nothing but alcohol and pain pills. Well...I'd better go, before he gets back. Take care and I'll be thinking and praying for you!!! Thanks for letting me vent!!! Hugs,>>>Korinne>>>>>
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
I understand your frustration. Vent anytime, I love my A but I know that right now he is no good for me. My recovery is more important. If it is meant to be my HP will work it out if not then he has someone even more special in mind for me. Either way it is a win, win. I also understand the financial stuff. My life as been extremely crazy since I threw my A out. But things do get better just remember you are important and to focus on you. When I did that things with him became so much less important. I started to see changes in my everyday like. Hang in there I will keep you in my prayers. Take care of you!
Love and prayers coming your way. Recovery is about taking back our life, and living it the way we want to. We all deserve and are entitled to be happy.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
