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So my newest news...... My second son was born two weeks ago. My AH was here, but had to call him about 15 times to awake him from a hangover (I assume). I delivered at home, and agreed to let him stay here for his 7 day vacation from work to be with the baby. He cut it short by telling me the day after the baby was born that he would be going back to work after two more days. That same afternoon....not less than 24 hours after the birth of our son, I found him and our two year old had colored MY back porch, the outside wall, and railing with a permanent marker!!!!! I asked him if he realized it was permanent, and he casually replied yes. Anyway, that night I noticed he was doing alot of trembling in bed. The next morning he left as soon as nap time rolled around and left me alone with both kids and no help until 630pm. He returned, and naive me didn't realize he'd been drinking. He turned in at 9....left me to mop the floors while carrying the baby. I had bled on the floor, and he said he'd do it, but he didn't know how....WHAT? When I came to bed with the baby later, I smelled him and he also started pushing us around. We ended up on the couch. The problem being he used to attack me in "blackouts" after drinking. I have expressed concern for him being a danger to the kids. He has acknowledged that he has no control or recollection of these attacks. I kicked him out, and told him we'd see him again when he was in an inpatient treatment program. That was almost two weeks ago. It has been unbelievably hard to do this to him. He has not bonded with his son at all. He emailed me on friday and said he's sure he wants to divorce me now, and wanted to see the boys. I told him no, and that I'd use the divorce proceedings to enforce anything I could towards his recovery/being safe for his kids. Now, I guess its a waiting game. I hate it. I love him so much, and know he would be mortified of himself if he weren't so far gone. Its really sad all around. Anyway, thanks for reading.
Congratulations on the birth of your newborn son! May all this chaos not overshadow your joy. Is there anyone else more reliable and responsible you can recruit to help you during this time? You need a support network. Your situation brings to mind a quote from the daily readers (incorrectly paraphrased) 'that relying on an alcoholic is like going to the hardware store for bread'.
If you are concerned about the childrens safety in any way, do whatever you have to in order to keep them safe. Use the program and seek support from members to help give you strength. Don't forget to take care of you in the meantime, newborns can be hard work (though thoroughly rewarding) and you'll need your rest.
congradulations!!!! new babies are so exciting!!! what a great way to take the focus off your a. i felt the gulit too when my ex ah wasn't there for and did not bond with our 3rd because he was drinking and using. it actually sent me into a pretty severe depression. but i kept going to meetings and using the phone and i did get better. to this day our youngest (3) is not as comfortable with him as our older 2 kids are. she doesn't trust him i can tell. but i have loved her extra to make up for the loss of her daddy's love at times and i have stayed out of it. their relationship is theirs and not mine. as long as he's not being in any way abusive (which he never has been towards the kids) then he is free to see them as reguarly as he can. his loss of time with them will be something he has to deal with. i won't take on the guilt of that too. so, congradulations!!! when things got so bad for me and i was so angry or upset that i couldn't see straight i just focused on my baby for as long as i could. these days don't last forever so do your best to treasure every moment and remember them insted of the bad ones......good luck
I'm sure it is hard, but please do try to take care of yourself, You are important and deserve to be treated well. Hope that you have a neighbor or trusted girlfriend that can lend a hand.
Sending good thoughts & prayers your way,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
((HUGS)) Is there any one in AA or Al Anon who can help you with the baby? Two kids under 3...wow. That's hard. Honey, I'll keep you in my prayers. Keep us posted.
You've been blessed with two beautiful wonderful gifts from God. They are worth all your time, devotion and effort -- not the self-absorbed A in your life. I am so sorry there is no one to help you through these stressful times.
I hope you keep coming and sharing with us. Though you may be physically alone, you can share with us your trials and triumphs. We will be there to support and encourage you. You are doing the right thing, in my humble opinion, by protecting those babies that God has entrusted to you.
yours in recovery, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
