The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi! I am new to this site but have wanted to join al-anon for many years but was too busy dealing with all of the A's in my life. I grew up with a functioning alcoholic mom who at least maintained a "normal" life until the only sane person in my family died (my step-father.) after he passed my life went to h#ll! Mom quit her great job and moved across the country to be supported by myself and my disabled brother. She did not ask, just showed up. She also brought my alcoholic brother with her. For many years I enabled her and him to run and ruin my life in the name of family love. I won't bore you all with the details as most of you have been through similar ordeals. For the most part i finally came out from under their thumbs and started standing up for myself and the life I wanted to lead. After my mom passed away and 3 more years of basically supporting my A brother I finally convinced my disabled brother that we weren't helping A brother by enabling him! Hooray!
Guess what? After a week out on the streets my A brother finally started to realize where he was heading and finally got some help. He went through a program and has now been sober for 5 1/2 months! This is great and I hope he is able to stick with it. He even lives on his own in a supplemented room.
Just when things are getting better here my other A brother(I have 6 all together, 3 alcoholics)tried to kill himself by hanging himself. Luckily his son found him but I am soo frustrated that he doesn't see what he is doing to his kids! They are 16, & 18 now but have had the worst life. I have tried to get them to move here but the parents won't allow it. I have tried many times to help my bro get straightened out but I am sick of ruing my life to do it. The last time he attemted I quit my job and moved 2000 miles to try and help him. Now his poor son is struggling to get out from under this terrible situation. I can just se him having to deal with all of the same crisises I had too. It is sooooo depressing. we fought on the phone today because I didn't side with him.
I don't even want to go there with the third A brother. He is currently in jail for DUI. of course he doesn't think he has a problem even though this is his fourth time!
Does it ever end?
I have enough stress just taking care of my quad brother. At least he doesn't drink( much) and he is fairly normal.
Thanks for listening to my vent session.This is a great site.
Hi Irish and welcome from Australia. Sounds to me like you are so busy caregiving for everyone else that you don't have any time for you. As far as the kids that are 16 and 18 they may feel that they have to stay with their Dad to protect him from himself. Very sad all you can do is be there if they call you for support. This is a great family to be a part of and we will always be here when you need to reach out. It would be great if you were able to get to some al- anon meetings where you live. Not only would it be a break for you but you would meet others experiencing the same thing. Luv Leo xx
Thank you for your kind words. You are right I don't get much time for myself. My brother and I have been trying to get me a day off now and then but I try notto worry too much about it. This does seem to be a very nice site. I have been checking out the other posts and have been absorbing quite bit of great advice from the posts.
Hi Anna: I am glad that you can vent. You certainly wouldn't bore any of us with the detail of your life. Details are what makes us.
I have lived with an A for 6 years and know full well how difficult it is to get out from under. I am suspecting strongly his mother is an alcoholic too. There is always alcohol at her house. She is married now to some guy she just met (another sign huh) and moving a couple of states away. In my denial I want to believe this will mean my life will be less chaotic. In reality the A I live with will always be bringing some chaos to our lives.
I live with other chaos too of course. I work in a dysfunctional environment. I live around dysfunctional people (drug dealers). Al anon has helped me tremendously in detaching and keeping the focus on me.
I do not hear that much about you in your post, who areyou? Beyond the caretaker role who are you. What do you like to do? Do you have friends. This week I am going out to meet a friend. That is so huge for me. The degree of isolation I have lived in with this disease is enormous. I want no one to know how I really live. At the same time its only when I put it out there that I get to be able to change some of my situation(s). The issues in my life are beyond the A. I grew up in a tremendously dysfunctional abusive family. If and when I leave the A (and at some point I will I know that much) I will still deal with the aftermath of that.
Al-anon has helped me formidably with detaching from my family of origin. Therapy helped too. Reading literature helped (both al anon and other literature)..talking in the chat room helped, going to meetings helped. They all help. You deserve the help, no of us is going to be bored or angered by your shares. So please come join in and keep sharing.
Thank you! It sound like you have already come a long way in dealing with the A in your life. When you are ready youwill make the leap to a life on your own. Good for you!!!!
I am 36 years old and have a job as well as caretaker for my brother. I don't have any children although I would love to someday.I am divorced. I was married to a great guy who wasn't perfect but never drank in his life. Sadly the divorce was mostly because he felt like I always put my screwed up family first before him and he was right. The nice thing is that we are great friends and the divorce helped me realize how much I gave up for my family. we may even give it another chance someday. Neither of us push the issue I just want to make sure I really know who I am and what I want out of my life.
I have a couple of great friends but I am just now trying to reconnect and get out more. My ex made me realize that I hadn't been out with them in months.
You know I used to think that I had the most screwed up family and family history but after joining this site and a cargiver forum to deal with my issues on that I realized that I am most definately NOT alone. I used to cry because of silly little things like not having holiday get togethers with family, etc... You probably can imagine how bad those can be, yet we often long to have those family times. I guess when you are the only one who is sober or clean then you feel like the adult all the time.
That is another thing I like about these sites. The people who give you feedback always seem to acknowledge you. Asking how I am and am I taking care of myself etc... That is something that is soo lacking in life when you have a disfunctional family.
oh yeah, I live in the Seattle area of Washinton. What about you?
I would say your BF's mom is probably an A. I am glad you are getting out to meet a friend. I know how important that can be. Try to have the best possible time and don't let any thought about the A and his reaction get in the way.
