The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my ex ah has been hanging around my house alot and he and i have gone out a few times to dinner and movie. i haven't "slipped" intimatly with him since that one time on labor day. but i have fallen back into "our pattern". he acts a certain way when getting sober in aa and i know what to do. i did it for 12 years. i don't want to do it anymore and i was having the hardest time broching the subject with him.he has been getting more and more possesive, jelous and manipulitive as the weeks go by and he spends all his time with me and the kids. he's doing meetings and has a sponser but every single free moment is spent with me or the kids.i am still scared of him and am more sure than ever that i don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. i burned my arm really bad wednesday night and he was here and drove me to the er. spent the night, took care of me, and the kids and was great about it. i think he enjoyed being able to give back to me. he waited on me hand and foot which was what i needed seeing as i was short one hand. so now i feel like i have been using him. like me not being honest has been really mean. but i am scared of him and scared that he will drop the kids again. i just have no clue as to have a healthy relationship. with him or anyone else i guess. i think i've said it before but i really don't know. i feel silly saying that but it is true. i'm 33 years old and i don't know how to have a relationship that i feel good about. i also don't know how to eat right. i grew up munching microwave popcorn and diet pepsi in between dance classes and smoking cigaettes and in that circle no one knew how to eat right just how not to eat. i grew up in an alcoholic home so ofcourse i don't know how to have a relationship. what do i do now that i know what i want and what i don't and want when what i want is no where to be found but what i don't want just won't go away?
Hi! I am new but I have been in an alocoholic family my whole life and I have a little advice. First of all you don't need reprimanding. You are craving a little attention that you surely deserve. I think though that you may have to accept that in order for you to make a clean break from your ex AH, you and the kids may lose touch with him for some time or possibly forever. I know that you think the kids need him and of course they do but they need a healthy environment more. The only way to make AH see that you mean it is by being firm. I am divorced and people cannot believe the relationship I have with my EX. I left, I was clear, there was a lot of crying involved on both our parts, but even though it was hard I just kept repeating in every conversation that this is not the life I want. It worked and now we have this great friendship that people are amazed at. I know it is possible but first you have to do what is right for you. Demand what you deserve. That is peace.
AH is never going to get better if you allow him to manipulate the circumstances to what he wants and likes.
Also, I really don't think one can define a healthy relationship. especially when you are talking about A's and the people who have only dealt with A's. I do know that one starts by being confortable with yourself. All alone. i think you have to prove to yourself that you are worth it before anyone else will believe it.
You are a human craving a healthy relationship, with love and care with someone to take care of YOU for once. I know for me, i spend all my time taking care of the kids and my ah and it would be nice to have someone take care of me for once. Also remember it isnt too late to learn how to eat right... Again, i think we spend so much time worrying about the A we forget to take care of OURSELVES !! At least that is the case for me..
Dont be too hard on yourself, i think you are doing GREAT. !!
