The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Leading up to this weekend I had many thoughts going through my mind. As with other times when my AW would propose seperation I would get so nervious and anxious. Why?
Because I love the way this is going? No...
Because I am afraid of what the kids will say? No...
Because I am afraid of being alone? No...
Because I will miss the sex with someone who is completely numb from alchohol? No...
Then why? Well to myself, I made a list.... way longer than this one to try and figure it out. I wrote one down as kind of a joke, because I was running out of ink... Because I am afraid she won't really go? ... well...
I thought that might be it. So why does that bother me?
Turns out that as sad as all this is... I was not open to the fact that I am in a win/win situation if I choose to be there. If she goes, I work on me and help the kids to understand. What I wasn't really able to comprehend is that ... if she stays, I need to work on me (which will cause friction) and I will have to help the kids to understand.
So I really don't have a thing to loose unless I do nothing.
I have been working hard on controlling my emotions, staying off the rollercoaster, but I have yet to do anything I need to do in order to better myself. To get my life back on track. It's time to do those things.
I hope you all had a great weekend, and if you didn't my wish for you is a good week. Like Christi reminded us... if you don't like the way the day is going, stop and start over.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I found it so darn hard to get healthy when the active A was around. The disease pulls me in without me even realizing it.
I even stop seeing things around me. When the A leaves I realize I have not watered my plants or cleaned the spiderwebs. The fridge will be growing pennicillin.
For some reason it envelops me and I get dragged in. Last time it took a sister of alanon here to hand me a rope to climb out and I did not even know i was in it.
rtexas, you may feel you are doing nothing for yourself, but you are posting, and when I posted, it helped me to begin to heal... remember, everything happens in HP's time.
Doing nothing has always been so hard for me. I was always either acting, or reacting or just running around like a chicken without a head trying to do everything.
I have recently learned, after getting sick and landing on my butt lst winter that I need to sometimes "do nothing".
Lately I have stopped reacting and started sitting back and watching. The world is still going on!
It isn't easy, but I have found it is often the best thing for me to do.
Someone told me that if I am not sure of what to do, do nothing.
Ok, so I'm dense...sometimes I need a picture drawn and I'm not talkin 'bout the weeble.
At first when I read this I was thinking...where's the win/win??? Then I read it again...and again...and I realized you were saying that if you changed nothing and continued to do what you have been doing.....rollercoaster,emotions,etc,.....that you would not be growing.That now you need to do something to get your life back on track,make your life better,hence better yourself.That's great!!!! You have taken a step forward in your recovery!!
I read your post about 5 hours ago, I started to respong and then my mind went blank. I started to cry, oh wow do I relate with your post. But the kicker for me was that you somehow posted what I have been trying to process in my own head.
Funny how someone can say what is on your mind better than you can.
All I can say is thanks. I know the post was for you, but you really helped me.
Yours in recovery,
Mandy
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
If you look over your shoulder in this "strange place" you will see me waving at you. You are not alone. You have described EXACTLY my situation or at least how I view it.
Sometimes I feel that I am just waiting for something to change. That I am not taking control of a situation I could change. However, after reading your post I think the reason I stick around is that I owe it to her, of whom I still see brief glimpses, to stick up for "us" in case she is ever able to return. I too am at the point where if it works FABULOUS but if it doesn't, I know I will by then have given it my best shot....no regrets.
Very thought provoking post as I see so many of us are right in that strange place with you. Isn't it comforting to know that you are not going these growing pains on your own. I have been feeling in that strange place for a few weeks now and it has brought up a great deal of emotions for me. The good thing is they are my emotions not induced by the A or anyone else. They are my fears, my anger, my sadness, my insecurity it is precious and personal to me and it has helped me know I'm still here and alive and I can choose what is best for me for that day to take care of me regardless of whether the A gets angry, sad, manipulative, etc. Those are his responses and his feelings that I have nothing to do with. I think this place you and so many others are in is true detachment with love for the A. Your AW will struggle with leaving or staying for probably a long time. When my A gets ticked at me for setting a boundary and then enforcing that boundary to take care of me I'm sure he's saying if I just left I wouldn't have to deal with this. My feeling now, is o.k. leave. That which I fear I must face head on. Its choosing what's best for you that counts, its not selfish Its self preservation.
You are growing in recovery keep going.
Hugs,
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Isn't it comforting to know that you are not going these growing pains on your own. I have been feeling in that strange place for a few weeks now and it has brought up a great deal of emotions for me. The good thing is they are my emotions not induced by the A or anyone else. They are my fears, my anger, my sadness, my insecurity it is precious and personal to me and it has helped me know I'm still here and alive and I can choose what is best for me for that day to take care of me regardless of whether the A gets angry, sad, manipulative, etc. Those are his responses and his feelings that I have nothing to do with. I think this place you and so many others are in is true detachment with love for the A. Your AW will struggle with leaving or staying for probably a long time. When my A gets ticked at me for setting a boundary and then enforcing that boundary to take care of me I'm sure he's saying if I just left I wouldn't have to deal with this. My feeling now, is o.k. leave. That which I fear I must face head on. Its choosing what's best for you that counts, its not selfish Its self preservation.