The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just wanted to give an update with my progress in dealing with my A. He returned to town Friday afternoon and came straight to my house. Called about 3 hours before showing up saying he was stuck in a town 45 mins. away with no gas bla bla bla and I told him he'd figure it out. He has come over every day but respected my boundaries about staying the night. Sofar I have come up with these:
Can't stay the night
Can't come over when I'm not home
Can't 'borrow' my things, like cell phone, etc while I'm at work
Don't ask me for money
That's it sofar, I'm thinking I'll add to them as time goes on. He has been trying to push things along to get back to where they were and it makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't feel like doing hugs and kisses. I'm not sure if I ever will again. It's hard to be firm and explain that I just don't feel that way now. Not to say that I won't again but I don't want to get sucked into that same old trap. I think I'm going to have to limit the time he's over or he will be there every second that we are home. I am not really sure what I'm feeling right now and I have had a couple of episodes where I say something mean and nasty, I guess there's still some bitterness. I don't know how to tell him I want my space but I'm not totally giving up on him. I don't want him to lose hope - there's always hope but I don't want to be put in the position of making guarantees that I can't make either. What to do what to do? I feel stuck in the middle.
The kids are happy to see him. He materialized a very expensive new laptop for my oldest daughter whose birthday trip to disneyworld he destroyed. Think he's trying to buy her respect/love? The little ones love him and missed him and the youngest (his) cries every time he leaves which makes it difficult for everyone!
I'll keep you posted on my progress, pray pray pray for me to stay strong and abide by the rules that I set for myself!
i am in such a similar situation! my ex ah decided to get sober and moved into the village where i live. he has been able to be here for the kids while i am working and spends most of his free time here with us. i think he has just transfered his obsession with drinking to being obsessed with me. not good but he's done it before everytime he's been sober in the program. i still have my boundries but i am feeling rather done with him at the moment. all of this has just shown me that he is not what i want. too much has gone on. i have been where you are as far as not wanting to totally give up but not wanting to just jump right back into it. and i did go back probably faster than i would have liked but a's have a way about them and i wan't as strong in my program. nobody knows what tomarrow brings so just stay strong in what you want today. that's what i am trying to do. i've also told him that i don't know what i am doing i am just doing the best i can for me and the kids and i am making mistakes (that blew his mind seeing as i was always the perfect one with all the answers!) admitting to him that i am human and i don't have all the answers was freeing for me and kinda made him mad. but it was the truth. good luck and enjoy the good moments....
