The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
You know, I used to dread the weekend. When I actually believed my A's promises. Now I am creating my world. My A will have grandioso plans for going out to a nice dinner Friday, working around the yard on Saturday and Sunday. Oh the plans...and most of the time, he can't seem to get home Friday early enough to go anywhere. Then Saturdays, well, he seemed to have "errands" to run...and Sundays...well, he needs to "relax" on the couch.
This week my A has been soooo alcoholish. And to top it off, a close friend and "A" passed last night. So here it is Friday night and in the past, I'd be waiting...hoping...praying he would be home soon. But right now, I have planned a perfect weekend for myself. I'm relaxing with my kids tonight. Teaching my son to mow the lawn tomorrow so I can have a yard buddy. Putting out my nice October decor. And then Sunday going to the viewing of his friend.
I'm making no plans that include him...cause I know since their is major drama, it will be the perfect excuse for him to drink himself into oblivion. I'm not worried. I have covered myself as far and protecting my interests. I took my good truck from him this week and told him he will have to drive his "work" truck around. Nobody is driving drunk in a vehicle of mine. And I can't control if he drives his and wreck or God forbid hurts someone else. That will be between him and his HP.
I'm happy that I can sit here and share this without hatred for anything else but that horrific disease. Thanks to Alanon.
Ive been making weekend plans w/out A husbands input for a long long time now. If/when he wants to come along fine. If not our son & I (or sometimes just me) go without him.
This is one of the most important tools to living happily with an A, I think - keeping expectations in line with reality. I know once I gave up an image of what a family *should* be like, and dealt with what our family really WAS like, life became better for all of us.
There is an added bonus - when the A DOES decide to join the real world, and take part in our plans, he is doing it out of his own desire, rather than because we have forced it, and so usually behaves himself fairly well. My kids and I have gone on literally thousands of walks over the years, my husband has come along maybe a dozen times. When he does come, though, he adds his sharp eye for and appreciation of nature - those are the walks when we find the wild strawberries, or see the hawk's nest... It becomes a special time, increasing the love and bonding in the family, rather than a divisive conflict.
