The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I sit here at home, at my computer...when I should be at work.
There is nothing physically wrong with me to have kept me home today.
Last night the husband ran to the grocery store and only brought home healthy foods, cause he's on a diet. It was as if he was putting me on one too. I didn't comment, I know I need to lose wt as much as he does.
I reached to turn on the A/C as it was getting close to bedtime and I really have trouble resting if it is too warm in the house. To which he commented by saying, I didn't need to turn that on, couldn't I be more considerate of expenses. I let that slide.
Then I found a violin on the internet priced as low as 50 dollars, having come from a musical family I mentioned wanting to get it for the granddaughter who is just now finding interest in music and this happen to be the instrument of choice. Husband made it clear that I should pay by money order and not use the credit card, as it wasn't something he understood or could benefit from.
So here I sit, home from work. For the first time I'm wondering if this is a form of control that I use since he knows I dislike my job. On the other hand it is also a quiet time for me to slow down, relax, not feel pressured, catch up on rest. I'm doubting that I've been consciously aware of how much I've put my job in jeapordy by unconsciously calling off to feel that at least one part of my life is in my control.
I know I want to be more consistant with my attendance at work so I can save up vacation time to visit my sisters this fall, but when the moment to make that choice of showing up at work comes about...I lag.
I'm feeling embarrassed to have realized this may be my issue, not his. I'm wondering if it's simply a matter of things are going good, so I am sabotaging my right to take that vacation later on.
First of all, you have already made the decision to take today off - so why not enjoy it - why sit around all day feeling guilty over a decision that can't be undone. Can't you go ahead and make the best of the rest of the day - Maybe make it a mental health day for you.
Maybe since you ate the health food last night, treat yourself to something special to eat today while your husband is ate work so it doesn't tempt him to go off his diet.
You enjoy music. Listen to the music you love today while you are home alone - listen to your choices of music today.
Sometimes in our lives it is good to apply the "How Important is it?" slogan and sometimes it is okay speak up for ourselves. Sometimes it is ok to say "I sleep better with it a little cooler in the house, can we compromise with the a/c a little tonight?"
Just this week, I talked with my AH about being a little more compassionate in his conversations with me. I don't think he meant it intentionally, but he had gotten back into the habit of talking rough and very short with me. I know that is the norm for his job, but it is not acceptable with me, but I was allowing it. I was the one that had to ask him to be a little nicer in talking with me. He was more than willing to, I just had to ask.
I don't know if you husband will be willing or not to listen, maybe you could ask - I don't know - but if not - at least you can take today to be good to You. Tomorrow you can decide about the job issues and other things - Today you have made the choice - why make yourself feel guilty and not enjoy the break - Just for Today you could have a nice day.
Just my opinion - Hope you are able to enjoy the rest of the day,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I have had many many similar issues with the A. What I want is not what he wants. Setting limits, setting what is "ours" (which in my case is very little) and what my goals are is hard stuff. I tend to get swallowed up in "the relationship". Before alanon I also spent quite a bit of time obsessing about and resenting the A. I don't so much these days which leaves a lot of time to focus on me.
Today I also took a day "off". I really have been quite unwell. Yesterday I slept all days at least 18 hours. That is totally unlike me. So today I am still recuperating. I am taking time to take care of me. No one else will. I don't have anyone in my life now who will so I do it.
Take care of you. If you need a day off now take it. Make plans for the future but be flexible with them. Don't take what the A does personally. I don't take the A personally anymore. He is a jerk full stop it is not being a jerk for me to suffer. I choose how much influence I let it be on my life these days but I also accept he is a jerk rather than try to change it. The only person I can change is me.
