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Hello Things have really changed since the last time I posted. A quick recap... I'm divorcing my A/Cokehead husband. He's not dealing well with it at all. He left me a disturbing voicemail message on my phone last week, in which he fired a gun. I guess I was supposed to think he was killing himself.
So, I told my attorney about the phone message and he just about came unglued. I guess I just thought my A/CH was being overdramatic and trying to make me feel bad. My attorney didn't see it that way.
We went to court Monday afternoon for temporary spousal support and so I can have possession of the house during the divorce proceedings. My A/CH didn't bother to show up for court and has dismissed his attorney. Both my attorney and the judge both are concerned for my safety. They feel that my A/CH is very unstable right now. I had to file a personal protection order (PPO) and the judge ordered him out of the house as of yesterday.
In addition, the A/CH has not been doing a good job at work and I guess he's told some people about his addictions. Apparently they were the wrong people to talk to. Someone told the owner of his company and yesterday, right after he was served with the PPO paperwork, the owner of the company came in and fired him. So, he has no job and no home right now.
I feel very bad for him. I am not responsible for his current status though. He has had a month since the initial divorce papers were served to find a place to stay or to get some treatment. I, and many other people in his life, had warned him repeatedly that his job could be at stake. He would drink before and during work, he probably smelled like alcohol when he helped customers (it's a retail business). He did cocaine at work. I'm not surprised at all that he got fired.
I really didn't expect things to get this bad. A realtor will be calling me today about putting the house up for sale. I just hope the house sells fast or I'll run out of money for the payments!
I'll try to continue to keep you updated. I'm back and forth now between my house and my mom's house.
Thanks for listening. I'm glad you are all here for me.
Artygirl.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
yes, we never know what our decisions will bring. When hp takes care of things it is in his way.
I actually agree, if he is out of it enough to get out a gun and shoot it, even if it was all show, that is pretty sick behavior.
GOOD, I am glad he is homeless and no job. Maybe he will wake up. But do not be surprised, they are good manipulators and someone may enable him. But that is not your problem.
You have so much to do and think about. I don't know the money situation, but I hope you do not depend on spousal support, ever.
In my experience it is better to completely depend on yourself. If he does not have a job now, he may be with out one a very long time.
You have done the right thing. It is like coming out of the darkness. Keep climbing out, some days I had to really think, ok just get your body there, one step at a time. One day at a time. Do not be concerned past that. Make goals, but in one day, do what you can/need to and then rest, do things for you.
If you can learn to do this, it makes life so much better.
I hope houses are going fast there. My friend here sold her house in one day. You are in Oregon right? Oregon is becoming the new Florida. I hate that.
My house has gone up in value almost $40,000 in less than seven years. Not a good thing to me. I think about moving to Arkansas or somewhere by selling, taking the equity and buying a home for cash.
I am really glad to hear that you are being honest with your atty and the other professionals in your life. They are obviously very concerned about you and your children. The fact that your husband isn't even fighting this tells me that he also realizes he is to blame for the disasters in his life.
I want you to know that I love you and support you. Please keep up the good work, and keep posting. No matter how uncomfortable it might be, please also keep being honest with your atty. S/He obviously is very concerned for your saftey, as are all of us.
yeah, I can only agree with what's already been said. Proud of you! you know you will be supported here in any decision you have to make. Keep strong. AM
Thanks for the replies I'm actually in Michigan. Not really sure what the housing market is here. We'll see. This weekend I have a crew of friends and family coming to assist me in getting the house cleaned up.
I don't have any children so I don't need to worry about seeing my A/CH H for any reason in the future, unless I choose to.
I'm actually glad for the PPO now. We live in a nice, quiet, family neighborhood. I realize that he was not only a danger to himself, but to the people who live close by. There are several little children on our street. I feel better knowing the guns are no longer in the house (court order... they're with a family member) and the gun-toting, cocaine-crazed drunk is out as well! I just can't worry about what's going to happen to him now. Not my problem anymore.
Thanks again... I'll keep in touch
Arty
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Sometimes watching an A hit bottom is a pretty unpleasant experience. The issue is not to be at the bottom with them I realise.
I have had my own bottoms, no one to turn to (that is why I came here last December), no one to take care of me when I am sick, abandoned, betrayed, left for last tons of times. I have to remember them when the A makes some overture of being nice. I do far far far better these days with being separate from him.
I wonder how do you know about what the A is doing. Does his friends speak to you. This is a vulnerable time for you as many of us feel overly responsible for their happiness.
I am glad you have organized activities for yourself.
Actually, I've been keeping in contact with his family all along. He had not been... but apparently, he showed up at his stepmom's house yesterday and a brother-in-law convinced him to check into a facility last night.
Fortunately, for me, I've had his family's support in my decision. They don't blame me. They all love me. I guess, for now, he's their responsibility.
Thanks for all your kind words and support... Arty.
__________________
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
