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Ok so here's my problem. Last week since I had moved out and my husband left the state I figured I'd put the house up for rent and just pay off bills/buy food with the money until I was forclosed upon or sold. It is currently for sale.
Last night I showed the house to a couple who has 3 kids just like me same ages and everything. They appear to have some issues but both are working. They say they want to buy the house and want to rent it until they get financing. I have been trying to figure out how we are going to eat next month but now I feel guilty because I have absolutely NO intention of using the rent to pay the mortgage. I am renting it for $150 less than the payment because rents are very low around here and I never would have got the actual payment. They love the house they want it and I'm stuck now.
Am I putting others ahead of our needs by not doing this because really we aren't going to pay all the bills AND eat this month. I have given this to my HP and he's given it back. If the house sells before it gets foreclosed on then it wont matter. If they actually buy as they state they intend it wont matter but if they don't and it gets foreclosed on they will have to move out.
I feel sometimes like I am always worrying about others and not taking care of us.
I think I would be up front with them. Explain to them your situation and tell them if they can possibly get financing before you lose the house then that would be great for you and them.
BTW...many years ago I was going to lose a home and we filed bankruptcy until the house was sold. I think it was a chapter 11 (reorganization) They could not foreclose and when the house was sold we were able to get our credit back to good standing in a couple of years. We were only in bankruptcy for less than a year...I think.
Since you are ASKING for opinions, I will give you mine.
I don't know about your state, but when you involve other people in business deals you have the legal obligation to deal honorably with them. You have to do business "in good faith" in other words NOT planning on committing any type of fraud either implicit or by ommision. Rental agreements are legal documents overseen by local government in most places and you can get in real trouble if you behave unethically with this family if they pursue it with the courts.
When you rent to a person they naturally assume you are acting "in good faith" and aren't going to ask you every specific detail about if YOU will be a responsible honest person and pay the mortgage and keep the place in good repair. They just assume that you will behave honorably. It would be wrong for you to betray this trust and let them move in just for them to be evicted unexpectantly when the house is foreclosed on.
You are NOT "putting others before yourself" to behave ethically when doing business with other honorable people. These people have been upfront with you, honest, forthright, you should behave similarly.
I am not "scolding" you dear friend. Hey, me and many others have been in your place, desperate, not knowing what to do, not having enough to eat or pay your bills. I know you WANT to do the right thing, hence your dilema.
Always take the high road and do the right thing. Try not to let our "A's" often "slippery ethics" influence us to behave the same.
How do you know you must pick between eating and paying your mortgage?
There are SO many community resources to help families with food needs! If you are not eligible for food stamps there are community cupboards that provide "emergency" assistance on a short term basis, and many other community outreach programs that provide free meals, as "soup kitchens". I myself have utilized these programs on occasion, and have taken my daughter to community "soup kitchens" for days at a time.
Am I happy about this? NO! But I would have felt much more shame to behave unethically with someone than to visit a soup kitchen.
Just do the right thing and keep working on ethical solutions.
Don't do anything to anyone else you would not truly want done to you. If you care about yourself, safeguard your conscience so you have a lot less amends to try and make later and carry on your conscience forever.
I have survived worse with my ethics intact, and so can you.
I hope you can work things out. Try not to get so mired down in the misery of the moment that you can't see a good end to the situation. Maybe the family can arrange financing soon, maybe the house will sell, either way I know that in this country there are abundant resources for families with children to get food to eat if they need it.
I live in rural southeaster north carolina it is not like America. There are no resources...
I appreciate your advice I am going to refer them to my realtor to try to work out a rental/purchase agreement.
I am also considering telling them the situation and just putting the ball in their court if they want to pay the extra 150 per month for the mortgage (which is not mine) and then paying the mortgage with it. I am already a month behind though and would need to use their deposit to get caught up.
Have you called and talked to the mortgage company? Many times they will work with you, lower payments, allow you to skip some and put them on the end of your loan, refi and more.
I would do that first.In my experience, people who "want" to do something, is just that, a want. I would not put myself in that position. Plus they may trash your house. I have been there so many times in the last almost eight years.
You cannot tell by talking or looking at someone if they are ok.
Being a landlord is hell. I can tell you are like me, too nice.
Every state has organizations who the government give them money to dole out to people like you that need help. try the salvation army and see what they can do.Every little bit helps. Energy assist, power help, food help etc.
your mortgage company would rather work with you then have to take over the house. They do not like that, it is not good for business.
Please keep us posted!!! One day at a time. love,debilyn
The problem for me is that the house in in my AH's name and so I decided I wasn't going to "deal with" the situation of losing it for him. I did think that I deserved some child support and since it was sitting empty I might as well get it that way. Now that the others are involved I start to feel guilty. I WISH I DIDN'T FEEL SO MUCH!!! OR CARE SO MUCH!!!
I know that most people would take the money and run, I know there have been many times in my life that I have been loyal to a job, a house, a man and end up getting screwed over. I just feel like I deserve the money to use for living, taking my kids to do something, moving, paying off credit cards and I could go on and on all day. I just can't put the people into that position. I have rented houses out before and had no problem, I can usually pick renters fine just not men. They could just as easily be planning to pay the move in costs and not another dime. I don't know! I'm still confused about what to do.
Well I know I can get easily into feeling over responsible for others. So the family want this house and there are issues. It is not the only house for rent. They have others. You can sit on this issue until you can get a resolution on it. I am sure you can find a way to deal with the payments too. It all doesn't have to be solved today. Every move I make to get another job, when to get it, where to commute to has pros and cons. I am better these days about weighing those pros and cons. Al-anon is there for you as you do it.
Hello- My name on here is faith and i am new- I read you post turned off computer and i could only think of you and your children- I have two and i would do anything for them just as you- I would LOVE to help you any way i can- I will send you food if you need it, i can't promise it will be gormet but i will send what i can, if you give me an address and tell me ages of children i could also try to get some clothes toys ect. My children have been blessed with so much that if there is anyway for me to give back to others i will- You could send me a private mess. with your address- I am in Missouri so it will take a day or two but if i could help you in your time of need i will- God Bless you and your children,you will be in my prayers!!!
