Well it has only been a little over 24 hours since I joined this board. A lot of experience strength and hope, and a lot of pain being shared. I have noticed in my regular Alanon meetings, new people are often very quiet and don't really get to vent much about their situation. I think here, there is an extra layer of anonymity and you can take your time to say what you need to say, just vent, whatever. It is painful but brings me back to the days when I was in what I call the trenches, the front lines with the alcoholic. Reminds me why I am here and why I still go to "those meetings".

I was not married to an alcoholic, just an untreated codependent. Her daughter was the alcoholic in our immediate lives. She turned our world upside down frequently beginning at the age of 12. It put a tremendous amount of stress on my marriage needless to say. I loved the kid, but she made us all crazy. I thought she'd be the death of my marriage. When she was 21 and had moved out of the house, out of town, far away, there was a big sense of relief. What would happen would happen, but not unfolding in colorful drama in our living room. It was around that time my wife unceremoniously dumped me and moved out of town herself. That was a long time ago.

Today my alcoholic stepdaughter is sober for quite a few years, and is my best friend in the world. She is as precious to me as my own child. Just goes to show, I don't know what's good for me... I don't know what to ask God for. Whatever I think of, he's got something better in mind, if I'm willing to accept it, in His time. Sometimes when I hear the reports from the front lines, I feel guilty because I am not in the trenches any more, and I feel that I don't have anything I can say that will help. I do remember the pain, but in many cases it's a distant memory. Thank you newcomers for reminding me where I came from, you help me more than you know. I only hope I can give something back in return.

Barisax