The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i can't wait till i write "what a good day". the foreclouser sale on my house is tomarrow so i had moving men come today to get the last few things out. i hadn't been there in months. it was so hard. i cried and felt awful. all the memories, our hopes and dreams and the kids. that was their home. we all loved it so much. it was way more than just a house. we made it more. i knew that if i had to leave that home, let it go, then i would also be letting my marriage go. somehow, in my mind they were connected. and that is what i did. when i moved out 7 months ago i resumed divorce proceedings. it is all the way it is supposed to be. but it is so incredibly painful. as i was sitting there, crying hysterically, i realized that this is not the end of the world, just the end of this part of my life. i am sure i have made the right decision. i know it in my head and heart. still hurts. the overwhelming feeling of grief and loss. i know it wasn't just the house. it is also the loss of my dad, and my marriage. that is alot and anyone would feel scared and in pain. it did occure to me that i still have me. and my kids. and we have been doing well and living and that is what will continue to happen. i know that there are other places i will call home and they will feel just as good as my first home did. still hurts.
thank you all for being here. sometimes my 8:00 meeting seems like it's weeks away. thank god for this program so that i know that this too shall pass and i can feel it rather than stuff it away. still hurts though, ya know?
Oh I am so sorry!!! I know that must have been so hard!!! You're right there will be other homes. Your life will go on, but that doesn't stop the hurting. You are showing amazing strength even if you don't think so! I hope your 8:00 meeting comes quickly for you!
I am so sorry. My mom passed away July 18th, I have been packing all her things, garage sale, and then readied the house for sale. I locked the doors for the last time yesterday, it was an emotional journey. I know though the end of one thing is the begining of another and remember you are right where you are supposed to be. Hang in there, be gentle with yourself.
Have you made a memory box or a memory book of your house? Like when you found out you were pregnant with your children, you saved the pictures of them, maybe some drawings or something like that, you wrote their measurements on the wall, whatever. Make a mini scrapbook, and dedicate it to your house. And include the bad times too. Scrap books tell the whole story not just the good times--put birthday parties, when you brought your children home, when they learned to ride bikes, whatever.
Make it so that when you look at the book 10 years from now you feel a sense of peace and can say "I'm glad I had that experience. God was with me then. Is now."
I am so sorry.I kinda know what you are feeling.As you may know I will be separating from my AH when our house is sold.It's not for sale yet we are working on the half finished projects he started.He loves to tear out but putting back is not so much fun for him.I just want it done.I hope we can get it all finished by Spring so we can put it up for sale then.
This is the only house either of us has ever owned.We have been together 36 years,lived in apartments or rented houses.We bought it knowing it was a fixer,but we didn't mind doing those things.We have added touches that are ours,things we like and it has come such a long way.I love this house because it is the first and because there is so much of myself in it.I wish I could afford to keep it but I cannot.
I know it's just a house,and as you said there may be other houses.However I think this one will always be special to me.I still have not fully grieved the loss probably because I am still here.I did break down crying one day about it so I know the pain is below the surface.
As you said,there's more than just the house.Before I found out about my husband's online girlfriend,we had talked about growing old here and all the things we still wanted to do.He had said he didn't want anyone else and if we ever separated again it would be me doing it,not him.Of course he says he doesn't remember any of that now.But I do.I knew we had our problems but as a typical alanon I still believed we could overcome them if we wanted to.Now I realize I did want to but apparently he didn't.The point is I was settling in,"working" on the relationship ( all by myself), and the house.Had decorating ideas and plans.It's all down the drain now.
When you said giving up the house meant giving up your marriage,I completely understood.When the house is sold it will be the final chapter in this marriage for me.
Eleven years ago we separated for the same reason.He wanted a divorce so he could persue some other woman.After I had my own place she rejected him and he wanted me back.I was so sick in my codependency I went.That won't happen this time.All I lost that time was a grandfather clock that I loved.He had bought it for me for Christmas.I had to sell it to get my deposit and first month's rent so I could move out.This time it's a house, a home.It's the second rejection and it's the end.When the house is gone,so am I.
I know I will cry buckets and feel the terrible grief as you are.I dread that but I know I have to get through that just as you do.A door is closing but another one is opening.You are stronger than you think,this has made you stronger.Me too.We are going to be ok.Hang in there.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. A real double whammy! It is so sad, I so hate this damn disease!
When my Mom passed away, the house went to my brothers and I. They thought I would probably buy them out, but I thought I would get too morbid, missing my parents and brother who had all passed.I felt it was time to say goodbye to them, and start a new chapter of my life.
I own a wonderful home now, with no sad memories attached. It took a long time, and hard work, but I am finally where I want to be, and also with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Just wanted you to know that there is hope for a better future.
Sending you lots and lots of (((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) Love TLC
How brave you are to admit your emotions - to feel your pain attached to this lost home, lost marriage and lost dreams - Those are real hurts and that is true recovery to deal with the grief of this rather than stuff it or use some other means to deal with the feelings. I am proud for you, that even though it feels so horrible you are still going through what you need to so that you can get to the other side where there is peace and serenity.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers as you walk through this pain - keep feeling the feelings and letting your HP know how much it hurts - He is big enough to handle it - let him heal you - You deserve to be healed and I truly believe he wants to heal you.
Praying you will be filled with Hope and Courage,
Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
