The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How to cope with the heartbreak of the A getting sicker and sicker and slipping away? Thats a question that perplexes me lately.
I see he's looking beaten. He is drained, and almost lifeless at times. He looks like he's getting old, wearing away. I know he's ill with addiction. Also with some physcial alcohol induced ailments. And I can only accept it. Theres nothing I can do.
He goes off on binges every few weeks now, having been sober for many months. During these times he can create so much havoc...and then the depression sets in. At these times it seems as if he's just given up. Like he doesn't have the strength hardly to live.
He still manages to infuriate me at times, and then my anger is replaced with overwhelming pity for him...and guilt ofcourse because sometimes I get resentful and angry because of things that have happened during his binges.
All I can do is accept and focus on myself, I know this. I try to but it's hard to watch the ones we love just slipping away.....
Sorry to be morose. I try to be as positive as I can. Just today, I can't seem to make much sense of it all.
I know what you mean! It was just a couple of months ago when I thought I wasn't going to have much choice but to leave my a b/c he was going down fast!!! I was unable to go down with him. I love him so much and loved him very much then as well, but the whole thing was killing me too. Right now things are going well (except for the arrest thing), but I realize that any day he can decide to not fight it anymore to give up and then we would be right back down in that pit. That is what is the scariest for me. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but knowing with one small breeze that light can be extinguished.
I am sorry your a is doing so badly. Seeing them hurt is so hard for us. You are right though all you can do is take care of yourself--I do know that that is easier said than done, but with each thing we do for ourselves we do feel better. Be gentle with yourself. I hope your day gets better and you find a little relief.
