The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This would be lovely. Why is it when one thing goes wrong in A's life it pours bucketts on them. The most frustrating piece is that if your in the firing range because you live with an A its going to affect you and everyone else around. My A has never been a man who could carry a stable job. I can't count how many he's had because I don't have that many fingers and toes. He has had a job now for almost five months working at a Pizza Place. He doesn't get paid much but it has been enough to sustain us financially and its felt nice not to have to ask his parents for money so we can make the bills. Sunday he called in on his shift and I had this bad feeling that something was going to happen. Sure enough.... yesterday he calls me from work to say they took his Sunday away from him and said he should have lied and told them he was sick. So there goes the security. I was proud of him for immediately looking in the paper yesterday for better employment. He went on an interview last night for a landscaping job that pays decent money each week. While he was gone a police officer comes to my door and asks me if I was just at a gas station on such and such a street. "No I say". Well apparently my A clipped another person and drove off, creating a couple of hundred dollars in damage to her car. The officer was nice and said well maybe he didn't realize he hit her and that's why he drove off. He was willing to give the benefit of the doubt. So my A comes home and say's he didn't hit anyone. I had to ask if he was high, he said no. We looked at the car but didn't see damage. He called the police officer and the he came back out and sure enough on the passenger side door there is paint transfer. I am grateful he was not charged with a hit and run and no one was hurt. Still it just seems like when it rains it pours. For me the hardest part is that living with my A has been a financial liability from day one. I work hard and I'm not exempt from creating debt, but it often feels like we just can't get a break.
So, my goal is to get creative and find a way to create an emergency fund that's secure. It will not be easy, but its necessary because even though the A is not drinking right now, he cannot be trusted with money and he makes really bad financial decisions. Its just time to get proactive and really focus on protecting myself and my investments. Thanks for listening, just really needed to vent. Have a great day.
Living life one (baby) step at a time,
Twinmom~
__________________
"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Or if we could just have a well with money in it--like a water well and we were the only ones who could get the money out. I know what you mean about money strains.
so sorry!!! It is so hard to relax when you are wondering where the $ for the next bill will come from or if it will come at all.
I am pretty bad about worrying about finances-but I keep giving it over to HP (I do realize if I would leave it there things would be even better--but I'm like you--baby steps!!). One of these days we will get it!!!!!!
Yeah, I know what you mean. Sounds like you could be describing my Abf. I can't trust him very much, especially with money. He pays up because I insist that he does as soon as he gets paid. And I know if he has money left over, it will burn a hole in his pocket...usually going on beer. How sad. At least your man keeps trying. Hopfully he get a secure job soon. And I'm sure the car business will soon pass.
Great to see you're being positive about creating an emergency fund etc. Keep strong!
Hang in there girl. Things seem to have a way of working out.
Between my AW and ASon, there is just an endless string of "stuff" that happens. Cell phones that die, cars that mysteriously take a turn for the worse.... on and on. It really is amazing that these things tend to happen to them .... over and over.
Between them I bet we have bought 10 cell phones. LOL
Like I said hang in there, but I think your idea of emergency money is a wonderful plan b fund. Everyone needs that. Have to look out for yourself and those kiddos.
When it boils down to it baby step are steps too!
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I know at my bank they have a variety of investment plans, one of which is called a certificate of deposit (CD), which you deposit a minimum amount of money for a minimum amount of time and it grows at an interest rate. What happens after this amount of time, I don't know, but at least here in the Dayton area, the interest rates are great, 4.0% or something like that.
The point is that if I were you I'd talk to the bank first, see what they recommend for something in your situation and what they have availible given your finances. Mine set me up with student checking and savings. *shrugs.
The emergency fund is a great idea.If it were me I would not tell the A I had it.If my husband knew I had a fund like that it would burn a hole in HIS pocket.He'd find something to spend it on.When all this stuff happened with my AH and the divorce was imminent,my brother told me to start a fund for myself and not tell hub about it.I thought that was deceptive and I didn't like keeping things from my husband.( I know, he didn't mind keeping from me that he was courting another woman online).
Now I feel differently about that because I do not trust him to look after me.( DUH!) He is irresponsible with money and I have always been willing to bear the burden and clean up the messes. No more.We separated our money this month.He has his, I have mine.When his is gone, it's gone.I'm not bailing him out anymore.After all, I have to plan a new life for myself without him.I will be my only support.
Tiger mentioned the CD's. (certificate of deposit) In June we refinanced the house so we could pay off debts and finish the work on it so we can sell it.I took 1,000 dollars of the cash we got and got a 500.00 CD for me and a 500.00 one for him.It's in his name and he will control it.It matures in December ( it's a 6 month cd).He has already talked about buying a boat with it!!Mine of course will be rolled over for another 6 months.Eventually I will invest it in something that brings a higher return but right now investing is new to me so I want something I can get my hands on in an emergency ( I know there is a penalty for that so I don't touch it)
Remember we have to take care of US.I think it's the responsible thing to do.Thanks to Alanon, I certainly have never felt that way before,I always depended on hub.Wish I hadn't now.
I have been there and done that. The A crashed my truck now a few months ago. He has mader money since then, the dent is not fixed. He just expects me to let it go. I will not. I use it as fodder to inspire me on the plan b. I do not talk to him about it anymore. I get tired of cleaning up messes. I also know if I were behaving in the same way he would leave me in a heart beat.
