The material presented
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well AH went to shands hospital in gainsville,he left to go there at 5 this morning.we just got got home.they did alot of ct scans on his face and head,and it came back that he doesnt have a broken jaw at all.the small hospital here where we live was wrong.it is just very badly bruised..and of all things they gave him nacotic pain pills to an addict/a but i guess he needs them..al 30 of them will be gome by tomorrow nite..the doc at shands said he can go back to work on thursday..thank god i just hope this whole thing wakes him up but i dont think it will...my son in law had the guts to tell me just a little awhile ago that i am to blame partly for this happening cause i took him to get beer and go fishing and then to the bar to drop him off.i told him that i am not the one that made him drink he is,and you cant control an addict/a. my AH is to blame cause he knows he cant drink{plus the guys who beat him up r to blame too}but of course they dont anything about this disease,so im going to waste my breathe trying to explain it to him..i will keep you updated if things change
Thanks for the update, bev. Glad you are OK (well, as OK as possible while dealing with all the stuff you have to deal with today!)
Glad you realize it is not your fault. My son-in-law, and my daughter do not understand about alcoholism, either. Heck, there are days when I don't understand, either! LOL You are right to not waste your time arguing with people who do not understand. What I usually do, is what you did, just state a simple fact, and let it be. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MY HUSBAND'S DRINKING. PERIOD. Then, I let it rest. After all, I know the truth. In that, I find peace.
The important thing is to take care of yourself. Keep coming back. Go to a face to face meeting if you haven't already.
I read a really good book, called "Getting Them Sober" that may be of help to you. There's also a website by that name. It is NOT contrary to Al-Anon literature, even tho' the title sounds like it. It's just one of the many tools I have used to help myself.
I found a copy of the book on Amazon. Actually, there are 4 volumes to the set. You may want to look into it. Gave me a lot of insight, plus I like to read!
Someday, you will be able to set boundaries, and that will help you. For me, I do not purchase, drive my AH to purchase, or give him the $$$ to purchase beer or cigs. But, each person must decide what they need to do to feel better, and not let the disease drag them down along with their A. Keep coming back and you will learn a better way to live. It is here for the taking.
I used to feel stupid for loving my AH, but I found out, it is no one's business but mine. My experience here is that no one here will tell me what to do, but they will offer input, maybe bring up something I have not thought of, a different angle. I have found so much love, acceptance, and help here, I cannot even believe it sometimes. My AH hates it when I get on this site, so I have to do it when he is not around. He knows I do, but I guess he doesn't want it in his face, as he isn't ready to confront his disease. It's not a big deal for me, but I do hate feeling like I am sneaking around, as he is across the street drinking with his friend almost every night for a couple of hours. I have rarely gone a day without being on here, or in the chatroom, since Jan. 1.
Good news, I hope he learns but you never know what it will take. This is pretty easy to blame on someone else. May not be this time. Anyway my boundaries with my A's have been if you're gonna drink don't do it around me. I don't want them in my house or coming home if they have been drinking. I left though, guess that boundary was crossed one too many times.
hi, I wanted to say, you are NOT wasting your breath saying what you know.
Please cont. for the A's sake as well as yours. After awhile people will realize you know what you are talking about. As they surely do not. many times it is the first time they have heard what we have learned thru alanon.
We are educated people, what good is it if we do not share it?
I don't care if people believe me or not. I know I am right, and I am not afraid to stand my ground.
I have a very dear friend who's husband drank himself to death. She would go to the liquor store to buy him his alcohol of choice. I don't remember which time it was, but the cops were involved, and they asked her where he got the booze? She said she had bought it for him, and they asked her why? She simply said that she didn't want to be responsible for him falling down the stairs on his way to get it, or his driving and killing an innocent person on his way. Then they understood. It didn't matter how he got it, he would have it any way he could!
I have found this so true, mine usually has some stashed away some place. He lost his license for a year for DUI and usually gets someone to drive him around. He doesn't know or care if that person has a license or not, as long as he himself isn't driving. On his last binge, he drank out in the camper. I slipped, big time, and poured his booze out. All that did was have him drive drunk to get some more, then he had a friend drive him around for a couple days.( my boundary that I really stick to is that he isn't to drink around me!) I would have felt so awful if he had hit an innocent person, and would have felt guilty, whether I should have or not because he snuck out when he was drunk. I really believe that HE didn't even know he was going to drink! So, I feel between a rock and a hard place because I won't let him drink around me, but don't really think he plans it.
It is so hard to know what to do??? One thing we need to really remember is the 3 c's, and not to worry what others think, that's none of our business. Each of us have to deal with our own things in our own way. I don't believe there is a right way and a wrong way, we can only do our best in our own situation,(and try our very best to remember our Alanon, opps!) and pray to our HP that he/she will guide you.
Thank HP he wasn't hurt any worse. A young man from near here and his g'friend were at a bar in a new community a long way from here, celebrating having just bought their new house. He was attacked and KILLED!! What a horrible thing alcohol/drugs can do!! His g'friend gave birth to their 1st baby soon after, and has moved back home to be with family and friends.
Ok, back up: you are in no way responsible for any of the choices your alcholic makes or fails to.
His choice to use-or not; to get sober-or not; is not in your hands; by giving yourself this much power you are saying that you are bigger than his disease. That you can control it, that you can stop it, or that you can slow it down. And based on your share, it sounds like you've tried and failed to control his disease. Which is the basis of the first step: any time we tried to control the disease, we wound up with our lives out of control.
The individual who told you that you are responsible for this is hurting, grieving for the disease, and is scared for the status of his loved one. He does not want to see him die.
