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well to begin with this morning AH wanted to run a few errands,so we left to do what we needed to do.around 2 on our way home he said i want to go to the river and do some fishing and have some beers..i didnt say anything...went home he got his fishing stuff together,ran him to the bait store to get worms and beer dropped him off at the river by our house,went home and made dinner.well at 7 he called and said for me to come pick him up..when he got in the car he said he wanted to go to the bar.i said it wasnt a good idea{because he was already very drunk}but he didnt listen,so i dropped him off at the bar,went home..at 11:30 i decided to go to the bar to pick him up cause i was tired and wanted to go to bed.so i.got my purse and cell phone and went to the car,when i was in the car i noticed that my phone was off again{been having problems with it shutting off lately}so i turned it back on and there were 6 voice messages,5 of them were him each one of them were around 10:02,TO 10:20 the last email was around 10:45 and it was the police,my AH HAD BEEN BEATEN UP WITH A BASEBALL BAT,i dont know all the details,but some guy from the bar stopped them and they took off the guy gave the police good descibsion of the 2 men and the car they were driving...but my AH left side of his face is in bad shape with a very bad broken jaw..he was at the small hospital we have here where i live but they transferred him to a bigger hospital almost 2 hours away..right now im at home and it is 5 in the morning i needed to come home and eat get some rest then im going to where he is..he kept saying in the hosptal this isnt my fault..{i guess what i told him after he said that was wrong but that is how i feel}i told him it is your fault you should have never gone back to drinking if you didnt start drinking again and using drugs this would have never happened,now you r going to be out of work for god knows how long,i dont know what we r going to do and how we r going to pay the bills and buy food,this is your fault,the guys who did this to you r also at fault.i know that was kinda heartless to say that to him..but it is the truth..i told him if you dont get help you r either going to move out or i will..im not going though this anymore..in about 2 hours im heading up to gainville florida where he being transferred..he may have to have surgery.....dont get me wrong i love him so much i just dont love the person he has become since he went back to drinking and drugging...i am sooooo angry right now,at him and the 2 guys that did this to him..at one point tonite i went looking for the guys that did this to him..i really wanted to find them and hurt them the way they hurt my AH and i guess I wanted to take some of my anger towards my AH out on them too i think im going to have to find a doctor to talk to about this,because i cant let the anger go on im so angry at him,he has hurt us really bad this time.i dont know how i am going to be able to pay all the bills and put food on the table..i did tell him at the hospital that this is a good time for him to seek help for his problem,but i know he has to do it for himself,and maybe now he will at least i hope he does..if he doesnt im going to the court house and find out if i can get him court ordered into rehab...right now we dont know the extent of the damage to his left side of his face..but when i found out i will post...please pray that some good comes out of this.......thanks for letting me vent
I am so sorry this is happeneing to you. It sure does sound pretty bad. The one thing I rely on when I have nothing left to do is "have faith." I know it sounds very trite but for me I rely so much on my Higher Power (whom I call God) to carry me through. Remember Footprints In The Sand.
Regarding your anger, justifiably so, it's ok to be angry. It's what you do with that anger that's important. An appropriate outlet for that anger is what's important.
Regarding your A, time to let go and let God. Right now more than ever. Often after an incident like this, the A realizes they need help. And I hope this is true for you. If you detach from him and all the mess and havoc he's created, he will have to fix it by himself. A's will try to guilt you into helping them. If you can say, "yes I love you but this is your mess to fix up now" you may not find yourself so angry or victimized any longer.
As you said, you already have way too much on your plate with figuring out bills, feeding your family and taking care of your children. Remember your children need you a lot more than your A does. Your A is an adult.
In the meantime, keep posting, keep us posted, get to a face to face meetings (lots of help available there if only you ask and are willing to receive), we have meetings here twice a day every day (check out the times www.12stepforums.net).
I wish you peace, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
My heart goes out to you. How confusing and exhausting! Maria gave you some really good ESH (Experience, strength, hope)!
Please keep posting and let us know how you are. Come here often to vent! I did, and do, especially in the early days! I've only been here since Jan., and have posted over 400 times, and a lot of it is venting! And I used to be the quiet, shy type!
Will keep you in my prayers. I know where you are, being angry, feeling like a victim, confused, hurt, scared. But , you are stronger than you think! You can find a way out of the misery you are in. And, unless you want to, you don't even have to leave pohysically. Just learn to detach. How???? By coming here. Your life and your children's lives are worth it. Trust me on this one. ((((Bev and Bev children)))))
HI Bev, I'm crying with you. It's stories like this that really remind me how serious this is and how this disease always leads to death. This was a close one, it's a good thing there was someone there to stop it. I remember so many times my A would say that it wasn't his fault that some bad thing happened to him. Of course I would always think to myself these crazy things never happen to me... I'm not an A tho.
Thanks for this post, it reminds me why I left. I already lost one father of my children to A. I don't want this one dead on MY doorstep (the last one died on someone elses about a year after we split up and I always thought thank god that didn't happen to me).
Well this may be the bottom for the A. I have a lot of fear about the A being out drinking. He gets belligerant too. One time he was out and some people took a crowbar to the truck. Of course he never fixed that too. And of course that was all someone else's fault.
I think some people have bottoms and some don't. The A I live with has had numerous car accidents, at least one a year. He has been in the hospital being in a car when he was drunk/high. He has lost jobs, he has lost his health, he has lost all his money. None of it is enough.
I think he is wanting to die personally. He looks for ways to die and one of them is driving recklessly and driving under the influence.
I am so very sorry this happened. This is such a crazy disease. I wish peoples bottoms weren't so darn deep. I work in a detox unit and see many transients. It makes me sad each time I see them come in and each time they leave. I know they will be back. Each time someone walks through those doors I see my A. Your dh is in my prayers. I hope this is the wake up call he needs. ((HUGS))
