The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello to all- I am a 28 yr old woman who has had her life forever changed by alcohol. I know it started in the womb-My mother and father were both alcoholics-My mother 36 when she got pregant with me already had 5 other children whom she had givin up to different people for the disease-my father 40 and stone cold drunk-of course they never had a chance I never met my father and was givin to my aunt at age 3. I am now the wife of a A. He has done so many things to me, so many mean and hurtful words the latest he was fired from his job and arrested for owi- I am hping that this web site can help me to find a friend someone to listen and someone to share my thoughts with. I know I have built up issues going back to my mother and the abandonment, but it is my husband who brings me to my knees.He is the one that I feel like I can't live without but than agian i can't save him either. I need some peace i need a place that i know everyone understands what i am going thoruogh who won't blame it all on me. i am so new to this online chatting thing so please bear with me!! Anyone got any thoughts? I read the letter to the husband that he'll probley never read, I seen full circle i know its not just me and my children its tons more just like me!!!
I'm so sorry about the hardship you endured because of this disease. I couldn't imagine it. ((((((Big bear hug)))))
I found this place last Sunday and have already found some comfort and a bit of sanity. I was relieved to know that there are other people out there like me dealing with the same kind of hardships because of an Alcoholic. The people here are kind and understand the pain and frustrations you feel.
Being a fellow newbie, my best advice is to go to a real face to face meeting. I did, and I'm going to continue to do so. (I'm still having trouble with my first step, so I'm going to do another first step meeting, which is admitting you are powerless over alcohol and the alcoholic.) My AH got lit again tonight after a 5 day sober streak ( that hasn't happened in months), and naturally (because you think you can stop it) I got angry with him, which leads you nowhere.
To find one I know there is a link on the main page to Al-Anon hq which has other links to help you find local meetings. That is what I did to find one near me. I'm not going to lie, it is scary at first...but I felt so much better when I talked to another person on a personal level, I really feel like this will be something to help me get myself back.
I'm sure you found the chat room too...That is what made me realize that I need help coping with this, and that also I need to change my way of thinking to deal with my AH and the numerous alcoholics I'm surrounded by.
I wish I had more words of wisdom but I'm way too early in the game to be giving it. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I am new to this too. But I just left my alcoholic husband - I am 43 with two small children. You are only 28 - you can start over!!! Maybe you aren't supposed to give advice - but jeez you can get out, then get yourself help so that you can be whole for a great guy and have a great life. God wants happiness for his children. You have so much life ahead of you. You can have joy in your life again - imagine that!! And you deserve it. But you have to believe that and want it for yourself so badly that you won't let anyone else do bad things to you anymore. People who do that don't really truly love you. God does though. And he can lead you to happiness. I have just been through an absolute nightmare and I prayed more than I ever have and I really think it helped. I don't know just my thoughts - maybe I shouldn't give advice though because I don't have a clue as to what your life is like - I am not you. So take it all with a grain of salt. I wish you lots of love. You have love no matter what you do - it is all okay - you do what you do when you are ready.
So sorry for the pain you are in, the thing is hon, you have the power to chage it...only you can change your life....I know only too well the pain you are feeling about your husband, I have been married for 19 yrs and use to love my husband more than life...not any more...now I love myself first...the disease takes them away from us and makes them into someone we don't even know..the men we married are not there..just a shell of themselves.....
I am praying you find the peace you need.....the meetings here are great....keep coming back....join the chat....there is hope for peace dear lady...
(((faith))) You are certainly in the right place! I was touched reading your story. I'm sure you have so many stories to tell, like the rest of us. The important thing is to keep coming back. Find a face to face meeting if you can.of A's, male or female. Some of us are the parents of A's, some of us are children of A's. So many ways this disease affects all aspects of our lives. So much pain and sorrow caused by drinking or drugs.
I am also the daughter of an A, who died when I was 16. He was never mean or abusive, and continued to help my mom support us even after she left him, when I was 7. She just couldn't take doing everything by herself, taking care of 4 girls. She still loved my Dad even when she left him, she could not handle staying up all night listening to him ramble on, and have to get up and take care of 4 kids the next day. She never dated, and never remarried. I was blessed to have 2 parents who loved me, I know. I had a happy childhood, but I used to get so scared when my Dad would call (he lived in another state), and Mom would spend the rest of the afternoon in her room crying, with the door shut. I didn't understand. My Mom thought she was doing the best thing, and trying to protect us from her pain in having left my Dad. But, from the time I was a little girl, I was always afraid of authority figures, I was a people-pleaser. I went from being a good-little-girl, I never even had a serious boyfriend until I was 19. Married and divorced him. Went through a period of what I consider being too promiscious. That was not me, I was pretending to be someone who had no feelings. I am now in my 5th (& LAST!) marriage. I am learning now that all of my life I have been a prisoner of the damage of alcoholism in a parent.
Faith, please come here often. You will find a new way to live. You cannot believe the bounty that awaits you in Al-Anon. There is hope for you, your babies, and, yes even your husband. But he has to do that himself. I am very glad to meet you, and look forward to how you like your new lease on life here! Welcome!
