The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, I'm working on my list of boundaries today because I know the A will be back in town soon and I want to be prepared. So far I have he doesn't stay the night at my house or on my property. He doesn't come here or call drunk or expect to see the kids under the influence. I think he's about to lose his license from the dui so I'm also thinking he doesn't transport the kids anywhere until the license question is resolved. Also, he trades in the truck or refinances it to get my name off it and gets his own insurance!
Any suggestions of boundaries that have worked for you would be helpful at this point. I'll be thinking some more today but I think this is a good start as I know he will be over here under the umbrella of "seeing the kids".
(Carolinagirl)Glad you are here. Yep, I think Megan is right, boundaries are for you. It looks like you have a good list. One thing I was told early on, also, is that you must be willing to stand behind your boundaries, or the A will continue to not believe that you are serious about this.
As far as him not calling drunk, he probably will, but that doesn't mean you or the kids have to engage in conversation with him if he does. Just let him know up front that you and the kids will not. If he does, just politely say "Talk to you later" and hang up. After that warning, you can just check the caller ID.
Boundaries are very difficult for me, but I am learning to stand up for myself. My daughter is grown, and on her own, so I don't have little ones to worry about, but I would certainly have no qualms about setting boundaries where the kids are concerned. Just know that they need to be something you can live with.
Best wishes regarding your A's arrival. Hope all is well with you and your family.
