The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I emerge out of my cocoon to share my progress I have a "relapse" into old behavior. My A backed out of counseling yesterday and of course used all sorts of excuses to justify it. I went from that place of feeling good and happy regardless of what he does or feels right back into the poop of feeling this dispair because he didn't want counseling. We both escalated the conversation to the point of him yelling at me on the phone and me telling him to F@## off. Not cool. I was able to get it back together relatively quickly and just let him know that I was disappointed and actually feeling rejected. After I thought honestly about why I felt rejected I understood he was not rejecting me but rejecting counseling. I gently said I don't want to do this back and forth escalation thing anymore. This is the dysfunctional behavior I'm trying desperately to get out of.
I went to the therapy appointment by myself and the therapist basically said its not always necessary for couple's to be in counseling. She asked me what I did last week that caused us to have a wonderful week. I took care of myself regardless of what was going on with the A. I noticed the happier I got he was drawn to me like honey. Interesting... she feels that my A draws strength from me and doesn't want me to have needs, however in the past I have given him my power. All in all it was a good session and I have accepted that if he doesn't want counseling I won't force it.
Thought for today: Surround myself with people I love and people that are positive and honest. Today I will be gentle with myself, my kids, and my A. Hope everyone has a good Friday and wonderful weekend.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I know how you feel. I know it is mostly coincidence right now. I am trying to behave differently and it doesn't always come naturally. If she takes me off guard, I am back to what I have done for ... well 41 years. LOL
You are doing great, don't let that slow you down. I have certainly done it. I try to just learn from it. I used to have a tag line on all my emails that said:
"Good decissions come from experience, experience comes from bad decissions."
It is true if you pay attention and try to learn from it. What ultimately was driving me crazy was that I couldn't learn from what was happening between my AW and I. Reality (hers) kept changing on me, and I couldn't get a hook on it.
I know better now. I get reality here, and do the best I can at home. That's all I can do.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Thank you so much Twinmom for sharing that. It helps to see someone grow and know that it is progress not perfection. I am just pretty new but beginning to realize that we are going to have feelings and it is how we treat others (and ourselves) with respect that matters.
Thanks for being an example to your kids and to your AH and to us!!!
I was able to get it back together relatively quickly and just let him know that I was disappointed and actually feeling rejected. After I thought honestly about why I felt rejected I understood he was not rejecting me but rejecting counseling. I gently said I don't want to do this back and forth escalation thing anymore. This is the dysfunctional behavior I'm trying desperately to get out of. 