The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well it's finally the last straw....I have been trying so hard to bide my time until I am a little more financially able.....all that went out the window today..after being out of work for more than 4 months and me holding us together...he got his first pay today...and haven't seen him since...unreal...my daughter was waiting on him he called and said, he'd be right home to take her to pay for her limo for home coming and to get pizza...he never showed...took his check and I have not one doubt what he is doing with it...it will not last but a couple or a few days and then what...he is off until Monday, so I figure he will show on Sunday...broke and sick....this has by no means been my first ride to this hellish exsistance....however, by the grace of God and my new found strength...it will be my last ride....I hope you all pray for me to find the strength to get out finally, I know in my heart and my head that it is the only way for me and my kids to have any peace in life...and it is necessary for our survival...we must be strong...keep loving each other and just realize...it is what it is...his addiction will always come before us...that is the plain hard cold fact....
I had an awful day at work, almost walked out...thank God, I didn't....I am not one bit surprised that he did this....I am saddened that he knows we are so damn broke and have so many bills...but it will be ok, I can handle it...if I could handle 19 yrs of living with an addict...getting us straight should be a walk in the park.
Thanks so much for listening, I feel better, just needed to get this off my chest....I am going to try and just sleep it away, until work tomorrow...lol...warmest hugs to all my wonderful alanon family.....
It breaks my heart when I think of what you are going through dear friend. But I also know how strong you've become since you've been here. I am so proud of you. Your kids are so lucky to have such a wonderful Mom.
Sending you extra love, prayers and strength to you and your kids. I hope you manage to have a bit of a peaceful weekend despite everything.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I'm sorry you have to do this without being as prepared as you wanted to. I hope you find a peaceful place to live with your kids and all works out. A's never cease to amaze with the things they do. I never could understand a broken promise to a child, and when they do show up they just act like nothing happened. That used to make me so mad, the pretense that what they do is "no big deal" instead of owning up to it. You take of you GF, I have no doubt you can :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am praying for your strength,I know you have it in you.Sometimes if we wait till the time is right it never comes,so maybe this is HP telling you the time is now.
Whatever you do we are here for you.You will be fine,just keep taking care of you and the little ones.
YOu know I was thinking the other day about how they have the antabuse pill you can take every day and I was wondering why not make a vaccination so that way once you find out you have this you could get a shot and get deathly sick every time you drink. Of course then it would just be something else.
I am thinking of you and remembering when I did this 3 weeks ago. I hope you have the strength I will be thinking good strong thoughts for you. I know it is the hardest thing to do. I hope you can get some sleep and realize there's nothing you can do right now but plan and prepare if it really is the last straw. I took everything I could and didn't feel an ounce of guilt. Ok well maybe a little but I got over it pretty quick.
Local social workers can help you with community outreach programs, low income housing and things like this. You might want to contact your local social services for some help, if it's time.
You are going to be fine my dear!!!!! There's nothing you can't handle. When HP closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. Know that we've got your backside and are here for you. With the strength and faith here, you can always come "home."
I will pray for you and the kids.
love Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I am so sad for your daughter. I know you are fiercely protective of them and their needs.
I also can relate to wanting to walk out of work. One of my managers was pretty curt to me today. This is not the first time. I wanted to tell him to stick his job up his jumper. I don't because I have now surrounded myself with some people who I can call and have them tell me to calm down and just breathe.
I know you are plan bing and that your plan b will come into fruition. Bide your time until it is right for you. Give yourself the option, don't act rash. Don't act on impulse as he does. They thrive on that.
(((Andrea))))) Extra big hugs for you and your kids. I am sitting here in tears reading your post. I know you have tried with every fiber of your being to hold your marriage together. You are the only one who can decide how much more you can take.
The ups and downs with this disease are so tiring, mentally and physically. Try to take care of yourself so you don't get sick. You will need all of your strength. Good for you for not walking out of work. Somedays it takes all of my energy to just keep breathing!
I am so glad you are here. You got a lot of good replies to your post.
I will keep you close in my heart and mind, dear friend. I am so sorry you are going thru such a hard time. Take it ODAT, and take it easy.
I am so sorry that your hubby, once again, has succumbed to the lowness this disease can take a person, too. Letting you down is bad enough, but to let his kids down is worse. I know you are trying to do the best you can for them and for you. I so commend you for that. I am thinking about you and keeping you and your dear kids in my prayers. And I pray that today is a much better day at work for you, too. Hang onto the peace that you have found with HP and alanon. You have worked hard to get it and so deserve it. I hope to talk to you soon, but in the meantime, know that I care and I am in your corner. Your strength is amazing and an inspiration, dear friend.
I can not tell you how my heart is pouring over with love by just reading these wonderful post to my heart ache....I can not thank you enough for all of the love...
Today was much better at work, so glad I can go there......son was home alone today, hub came home...son told him to get the f*** out we don't want you here ever, he told him either leave on your own or in an ambulance...not a good thing at all..but maybe the anger was directed exactly where it needed to go....because we had a long talk and we know we as a family unit, my daughter, my son and myself will be just fine.....
Keep sending the prayers dear friends, they do help
Oh how I really feel for you Andrea. it's awful when we have expectations of what will actually happen,how they will respond and what they actually do. I know well the feeling of hope that,just maybe,this time I will be proved wrong and my ex-A will actually do what he says he is going to do,and not what this awful affliction drives him to do. Of course,on the one hand I am preparing for what bitter experience has led me to expect,and yet there is always that part of me hanging on to the hope he will do what I expect,and of course,it never happens.
You've been so strong Andrea,and made huge leaps in taking care of yourself and your dear,sweet family. Prayers for you all and ((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))).You are doing so well sweet one.
