The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well after what I considered a big step of leting go on Friday, I tripped a bit on detachment and plan b today. I wanted to go see my brother today in another city, (I think I really wanted to run away LOL ), but I asked my AW if she wanted to go.
My brother is in the military and will be deployed again soon, and she really likes him so I was honest in my offer.
This got really complicated... doesn't it always if it's not what the disease wants to do today. So we discussed and planed how this would work ... for 6 hours. <sigh> When she got angry and left the house, I decided to go ahead myself.
Sounds pretty good doesn't it? And it almost worked to. She called me 10 times in as many minutes and left 3 messages. The first was pretty calm, second very irritated, but the third got my attention. "... Well I guess it's time to just end this... love you, SEE YOU IN HELL!"
I stopped on the side of the highway and thought... call the cops or go home.
I was scared and I wasn't far from the house so I went home to check on her. She was mad but she was fine. Well as fine as you can be after 14 beers at 7:00.
For her safety I might should have called 911 instead. Turned out to be ok, but nothing she does supprises me any more. Next time she says anything like that, I am going to call.
I'm not beating myself up for going home... it might not have been fine. I am making a note to self that I will not debate the logistics of taking a 3 hour trip for 6 hours again. That was stupid on my part.
But tomorrow is a new day, AW wife is sound asleep in the game room again... and the house is very peaceful. I will take that for now.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I use to do that to my AHsober. I have serious abandonment issues that when he would go to the bathroom I would panic, fall apart, etc. Sounds like she has the disease but also is a young child.
Godspeed to your brother in the military. Spend as much time as you can with him. He must be taking my son's place. He comes back after almost a year in combat in November.
I'd say you are making progress there's no perfection in life but you can go forward slowly. I remember that it took some 38 years or so of complete craziness to infiltrate me. What makes me think that a couple of years in program will undo all that has been done.
Great job with progress not perfection.
Keep coming, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
thank you for reminding me about the debate stuff. I had forgotten how involved and dramatic they can be. I loved your heading. I tend to be way too dramatic and the A is super dramatic. Of late, I have wanted to be in peace and quiet.
You know, there's never an "easy" solution. I think you did the right thing calling the police, though. She wanted attention, she got it. It might also teach her to be careful what she wishes for--she wants attention, alrighty then! Attention you shall get my dear friend! ((HUG))
I think you are okay. You get stronger every day. Of course you were worried about her, if I heard a message like that I would have gone home and checked too. Sometimes I truly think my AH is so unhappy that he has the capacity to take his own life (when drunk probably but you never know) and that is certainly one of my fears. It is so hard to just go and do what you need for YOU. It is easy to say but a leap of faith to take action and do it.
I hope you just go see your brother. Why couldn't you just go and have a great time with him? It may be a nice relief for you and some peace.
You are making progress, keep on your path. I can't tell you how much you have truly helped me in my dire times, so keep on being your wonderful self!
there's no perfection in life but you can go forward slowly. I remember that it took some 38 years or so of complete craziness to infiltrate me. What makes me think that a couple of years in program will undo all that has been done.