The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have heard the same or similar statement from my A as well. Usually when he is feeling like I am trying to control him or I am acting like his mother. In his case it is not so much a statement indicative of how he actually ends up behaving with regard to whatever is being discussed it is a statement made with the intent of getting me to back off and give him space.
No man wants to be treated like a child (though sometimes it is hard not to when they act like one).
Experience it... I did it the other day. Not quite so negatively of course, but my AW has decided that if I don't like the way I feel and if I need help she will decide how I treat that. She disapproves of Al-Anon and I am trashing our marriage by continuing to do something that she doesn't approve of.
My response.... I appreciate your input, and I have thought about it alot. I decided to go to Al-anon because it forces me to work on me with some loving guidance. Because you don't like it is not a good enough reason for me to quit. It's my health I am dealing with here and ultimately it is my decission.
One of the posters on this site really impressed me with a one liner... he said "He is either going to drink, or not. What are you going to do?".
I hope this doesn't sound like I am trying to judge you... I don't want that. Just that in my case I think it was a valid argument. LOL
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
i too heard that comment last week. We all have choices its just that i let my actions depend on his actions and not the other way around.. ( hope that makes sense ) .. I am trying really hard to work on that for ME !!
I think most of us have been there and heard that.. :)
The reality is, he IS a grown man. He has the right to behave as he wishes. Even if that means doing things you don't like.
You also are a grown woman. You have the right to decide what you will and will not live with. You don't have the right to control his actions, but you certainly can control your own. If you are not happy with the way things are, you can set some boundaries as to what you will stand for.
