The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Another update on my situation. I had my A/cocaine-addicted husband served with divorce papers on Tuesday. He's still living here in our house with me. He claims to have no place to go.
As you can imagine, things are rather uncomfortable around here. He's been doing everything he can think of to make me feel bad and guilty. This morning he stumbled in at 2:30 am. I woke up and went to see what was going on (I didn't think he would be coming home at all). He asked me if I would call off the divorce if he got some help. First of all, it was 2:30 in the morning and he was probably drunk. I told him I couldn't talk about it then and went back to bed. I could hear him swearing and throwing things... stomping up the stairs... slamming the guest bedroom door... more swearing.
I left him a note telling him that if he would like to calmly discuss our situation he can let me know. I also said that I'd only have a conversation with him if he's completely sober.
What I think I'm going to say to him is that he needs to get some help and get better for himself, not for me. Not to save our marriage. He needs to focus on his recovery and I need to take care of myself.
I no longer trust him. He has lied to me so many times. I don't leave my car keys or purse laying around for fear he'll take something. I've caught him looking through my purse before. He was trying to steal my credit card.
Anyway... I'm not really looking forward to having this conversation with him. I'm sad to have to divorce him, but I'm too tired to stay and fight anymore.
Thanks for listening... Artygirl
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
I know well the dance of trying. I also know the guilt, anger, remorse, fatigue, resignation that goes along with dealing with the kind of behavior you describe. I am so so glad that you can come here and be honest and deal with your feelings.
Just some thoughts: Have you consulted with a credit councelor or a lawyer about perhaps some temporary housing? Or is it possible that while things are in transition your children could be removed from the situation? It is important that the children realize this is between your husband and you--this is not about them. Additionally, everyone's world is getting turned upside down, so the more honest and truthful each person can be with the other, the better.
Realizing how very unstable this is, keeping first things first, one day at a time, will smooth things out. I am so proud of you honey.
He'll promise anything to keep you - remember to look for actions, not words. If he really means it, he'll be at a CA meeting tomorrow night, instead of at the bar feeling sorry for himself. Sounds like you need a break from the insanity, no matter what. Have you guys discussed a timeline for his moving out?
Fortunately, we don't have any children. Just 2 dogs that will be staying with me.
We haven't set up a time for him to move out. He has been drunk every time he's been here, therefore I haven't wanted to engage him in any kind of serious discussion. I really need to get him out soon for my sanity. He's been coming home late and waking me up every night this week. The dogs hear him and wake me up. He's been drinking so he's not exactly quiet and considerate. The lawyer has drawn up papers for my posession of the house. I go to court for that one week from tomorrow. I guess I'm stuck with the A until then.
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
j/k