The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am feeling resentment towards my ex bf A, whose been sober 4 months.....some of you know, he and I decided to take a break after his stint in rehab so he could focus on his recovery and me to do the same. He was literally at deaths door and both our sponsors thought it was best for our relationship too, we were both sick. But months had gone by and I felt we needed to talk, move on, touch base or something. I suggested we meet for coffee, he said he really wanted too. He got my new number and then never called. Ok so I see him several times a week at the mtg house, and we have avoided each other, I am anxious that he never called and try to pretend it doesnt bother me. Him....I have no clue what his issue is.... So today, I feel the resentment toward him building. Do I not deserve some communication? Its been suggested to let it go.....well, i am having a hard time doing it. I feel ready to explode, as I feel Ive been duped. And I just want to let him have it!!!!!!!!!! G
We all need our own program. You are right in the aspect of needing time away (sometimes) to figure things out. I know I've separated a few times from people. If it is meant to be, it will. If not, you have to move on. The longer you hold onto something that doesn't exsist any longer, the longer you are waiting to living your own life. Don't let his life get in the way of you living your own life! Life is too short. Enjoy yours, with or with out him.
I remember my sponsor once telling me "if you get tired of being walked on, the GET UP"! I still live by that one!
I mean it. I know recovery is recovery, but what about manners???? Do we have to loose them completaly?? I'm saying no. There is A issues, and there is couple issues, i seperate them. We can not put everything into one bag, shake it and say that is recovery. We do have life and feelings. If you need to talk, talk, dont hold it in, its going to be worse. You deserve to know.
I'm sorry if most of you dont agree with me, that is my opinion.
I think what's really going on is that you've stood by him when he was like DOA and now that he's getting better you want some acknowledgement of how hard you worked with him and how much you cared about him. I think the problem is that he doesn't know how sick he was and how close he came to dying, and until he really gets that and I mean, in his heart, he's not gonna be able to absorb how he hurt other people, especially you. I'm glad you're here though, becuse you're making great strides with your honesty and all.
Thanks to all who provided ESH.......I am trying to be honest and not look at the situation with rose colored glasses.
I am an optimist but I have to look at whats real, real is.......I resent him for not acknowledging me and my support of him. The time has come for me to really let him go and stop holding on to hope there is a chance with us.
G: I can definitely relate to this one. I have such such resentment towards the A and know it is a form of "attachment". I also think it is very very hard to acknowledge how "used" I feel.
