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I am not quite sure how to put this in words so I will to my best to keep it brief. Lately, I have been feeling uncertain of things. Not so much my A. But me, and what I want. I have clarity on a few things but not everything. I know in the program it takes times. But I still feel at times I go threw a whole spectrum of emotions. My overall mood/emotion is happiness. But I still have a few bad bouts with sadness/anger/frustration/resentment/fear. I know it will take time, and I don't expect a quick recovery my question is this? Has anyone else experianced this?
yes I certainly have...and indeed am going through stages of these whirlwind of emotions.
The way I see it is that it has take me years to become enveloped in this disease. I am now recovering....you are too by being here. And the recovery process takes time as you say yourself. So, on the whole there is progression towards recovery, but there are slips along the way.
I no longer beat myself up about getting angry, sad, fearful etc. or allow myself to think I am slipping backwards. I realise I am only human...I will have good days and some bad days along my way to recovery. That's how it goes.
Absolutely! It's part of the healing progress. Like an alcoholic who is sober, all those feelings come to the surface. We don't mask them with alcohol or drugs, we mask them in other ways. So when we are getting better, they come creeping back to us. I like to think of it as a way of keeping us on our toes, or staying hunble. The trick is to recognize the feelings and deal with them. But don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. It's "normal".
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
When I started living the recovery process I started to realize that I had for so long defined myself by the alcholic dysfunction that I was genuinely unable to really define things. I would be asked in job interviews to "tell them a little bit about myself;" couldn't answer that--I honestly hadn't a clue what that meant. I would be asked in a coffee shop if I would like "flavored whipped cream with my coffee;" I honestly couldn't tell you--the concept of having any sort of minor change in my life was so scary I was just like, "How does someone live like that?!"
What I have had to start doing is making decisions with my heart. I've had to give myself permission to make mistakes. Consistently,across the board, I've found that I live in a fear that the little girl in me has always lived in: that drunk daddy will come to, find out what she's done, and cause terrible harm unto her for it. It is only now that I am coming to realize that I do not have to live in the alcholic dysfunction of my household--by re creating the insanity in my mind, I am volunteering to be hostage to my old thinking. I've also found out that there are very few mistakes in this world that cannot be fixed. There are very few mistakes that I cannot amend. The idea that I have to be perfect 100% of the time is an alcholic insanity implemented to attempt to have a level of normal. I don't have to live that way anymore.
Hi - sure have it is one of the reasons new members are asked to not make any life changing decssions for a few months after they get into recovery . We don' tknow who we are anymore , what our likes and dislikes are since over the yrs WE have dissapeared. Rediscovering yourself can be very exciting and confusing at the same time. Stay in today and enjoy the trip .
Your perfectly normal for those of us who have lived in alcoholism . JMOP good luck Louise
sadness/anger/frustration/resentment/fear were constant companions of mine prior to my finding Al-Anon. Sure, I still experience bouts of these. Happiness is not a 24/7 emotion ever, even in a perfectly healthy situation. The difference today is, how do I handle these emotions when they happen?
Today I can acknowledge the "normalness" of my feeling an emotion, and examine what it is within me that is causing this emotion and what I can do or need to do about it. Often the remedy is simply changing my own attitude/thinking about something.
Often the remedy is acceptance, acceptance of who/how/what/where someone/something is and that I can not change that, nor is it any of my business to change anything for someone else (that would be me trying to control them). My only business is myself, my own actions and words.
These things are not something I do once and they're done. I need to do them over and over. Life is constantly changing. There are ups and downs. I use what I've learned and am learning here to live life in the best way I can. I have a wonderful sponsor and wonderful Al-Anon friends who can help me "see" things when I'm stuck.
I've come to appreciate what an awesome thing it is to be able to understand who I am, what makes me tick, how I got to where I am, and that it is okay that I am imperfect and made a lot of mistakes. I can learn, I can change, I can smile and love and accept even when my heart is breaking, and its okay. I've rediscovered my sense of humor in Al-Anon. Can easily laugh at myself and do so often.
What a treasure Al-Anon is. Keep coming back! Luv, Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
