my ex ah has been seeing the kids with me here. he comes to my house. i don't really know where he lives. neither does he. i have been really kind and nice, friendly. he has been coldish, not knowing how to react to my genuine care and detatchment. he is a crack addict but, from what he told me tonight he has switched to alcohol. now, ofcourse, he can't stop drinking. he hasn't been drunk around the kids or hungover- acting. i have been doing really well with the detatchment. comming here and venting and reading rather than turning to him. now tonight after he tells me that he drinks every night, has been thrown out of bars, beaten up, and robbed, he tells me that the only reason he hasn't killed himself is because of the kids. i've heard this before. the truth is he has a narcassitic (sp?) complex and will never really do serious physical harm to himself. besides the addictions. then he includes me in what keeps him going and how i am his world even though we are not together and how much me talking to him and going to the movies with him the other night means to him. i am the one bright spot in his life. me and the kids. i stayed in my program and really didn't respond to this. i think he was still slightly drunk from earlier today. i just said that he and i both know that his is a progressive disease and that he is not going to stop where he is now. he will continue to get worse. i said that i don't know what the future holds and i have hope that when the people that are catching him, enabling him, stop that he will figure out what he needs to do to get better. i told him that the kids love him so much and they have this disease on both sides and now with the family split they are in further danger. i have to lead by example and i agree that killing himself might set a standard with our kids. maybe make it more appealing resolution to their problems if their lives are controlled by a disease.i told him the i don't blame him. i believe that he has a disease that has wrecked us all and the kids and i are doing the best we can and i am making the best decisions for them and saying a prayer that i am making the right ones. he thanked me over again and said that he honestly doesn't know what to do. i said that he will figure it out i hope. but here's what i need to hear about from y'all. by being nice, letting him see the kids, treating him like a friend am i lengthing his eventual fall? i am not letting him see the kids for his sake it is for the kids. i am being a friend because i need to right now for me. but i can let go. if i do he probably won't see the kids. that's what he does. if he can't get along with me, then he just avoids the whole situation, kids included. i wonder if i took me and the kids out of his picture would he be quicker to fall and get help or does it matter? is it me trying to control? i know what i want. i want him to get better and be an independent man who takes care of his kids financially and emotionally and has his own place where they can go to spend time with him. i guess i want him to have a life. ok i see how silly that sounds. still, anyone have a similar situation?