The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well AH and I talked lastnight (finally one night of sobriety).
I told him I did not think we were going to work out. We gave each other turns to talk. He let me go first. I told him I didn't think things were going great and that I was beginning to think that it wasn't going to work if things went on like they were.
First he just said, yes, (no emotion, just blank face - which pissed me off!) Then he asked if there was any way we could make this work (17 years). I said ideally if he quit drinking, but he says that is not happening. He said he knows he has a problem. I said I don't know what to do but right now I need to set some boundaries. I told him I will not go anywhere with him when he is drunk. I will not stay home if I come home and he is drunk. I will not take him to any functions if he is drunk. I told him frankly that he was embarrassing, and told him a few things that he said the night before last. Of course he doesn't remember. I told him that I deserved better treatment then the things he told me the other night in his drunk.
His turn was: That I should try to stick with him through this "problem". That we have always gotten through everything together. That he stuck by me when I was 220 pounds and he didn't ever tell me he was embarrassed by me (but he was)! He said he was going to get going and pick things up now (only the umpteenth time I have heard this this year), get a better job, etc. and wind down the drinking.
I told him I think there is quite a difference between being embarrassed by someone with you who is overweight and someone who is falling down drunk. I told him that I don't believe his promises anymore and that if he actually showed me he was changing it would be a little different.
I said simply that I didn't want to be around him when he was drinking. He said, "even if we go out to dinner, I can't have a beer?" I said "you have that right, but it is not YOU!!! I want to have a good time with YOU, not a drunk YOU!" He just doesn't see this. He thinks he is just FINE. He is so sick, on one hand he says he definitely has a problem, but won't THINK about getting help. I can see the mental decline from his one year of sobriety last year. His eyes were bright and shiny, he was truly happy last year. This is just horrible to see, but I know that HP has a plan for all of it. I wish HP would give me a sign, or maybe he has been giving me signs all of this year, by AH getting worse and worse.
Anyway, I am GOING to Wyoming (thank goodness!!!) for a nice road trip for five days, and getting away from this situation! I am happy today.
Thanks for listening, everyone. I love all of you, thanks for your support. Have a wonderful weekend (it is my Friday!!)
Oh Heidi, no worries on the weight thing. That is apples and oranges.
Besides it is the old focusing on you instead of him. He has a horrible disease and becomes something else. Your body did not lie or make a fool of anyone. I don't even want to go into it as it has no weight in it at all.
He could have said, "well I am embarrassed by your stupid curly hair." uno?
I am glad you are talking, and letting things out.
Have fun on your trip!!! Another trip we get to hear about!! I love it. Have fun, and do this, BE where you are. Stop and look, take a breath, smell the air, feel the breeze, hear the birds, put yourself there, say what you see, example:
this is me now, I see my tv on my empty sorbet cup, my antique glass pig with a binky in its mouth, dogs asleep wall to wall, I hear my fans, I smell the mint in the air from the fans. It brings me to the moment.
That is how come I had A look into my eyes. I am real.
I hope you have a great time, and really enjoy your break. You deserve it. I agree with Debilyn on the weight thing.....not worth annoying yourself with.
You're clearly doing so well and your strength is an inspiration. Maybe HP is asking you to be patient and trust.....
I love the thought of your boundaries. How sad the difference in your A with sobriety and drinking. Sounds like a great road trip to Wyoming. Way to be nice to yourself. You deserve it.
Hey girlfriend I am proud of you! Stay calm when you say goodbye. He has the right to drink. You have the right not to be there when he does. Sounds very healthy to me.
