The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thought I have bent your collective ears so much the last couple of weeks with my "woe is me" attitude that I would post a more upbeat message to the forums.
It has been a good week. To put it in context, ten years ago I would have said that it has been a pretty nondescript week. Today though that is good. Subjectivity is everything in our world isn't it?
Yes, my partner's attitude has had a lot to do with it. The pendulum is firmly over in positive territory just now. Although I am under no illusion that it will swing back, but more of that in a second.
I too though need to take some credit for the situation. I have been more aware, since coming on to this forum, of how my actions, or lack thereof, can precipitate or prolong a crisis. Secondly, I have consciously avoided going looking for trouble by asking how things are going in AA. She has spent a lot of time on the phone this week to another 2 AA women and clearly been getting quite upset with their issues. I have not asked. I have not enquired. They are her issues. I have not suggested that she is getting involved in THEIR issues either. It is her's to deal with. This approach has worked.......this week. I am feeling very pleased with myself. The household is generally more relaxed......for now at least.
Next week we have a meeting with social services. Hopefully to sign off on her behaviour when the police were called and she was arrested. I am not confident that she will be able to get through the interview without reacting in some way and prolonging the review process. She cannot take criticism in any form nor any perceived intrusion into her personal affairs. So when they start prodding I just hope she is able to keep her mouth shut and not start up with the "holier than thou" attitude.
However, that is next week. This has been a good week. One day at a time, let the weeks take care of themselves.
Good for you !! You are on the road to recovery :) Baby steps right ?? Its amazing how small things like letting them handle their problems make such a difference in our life.. For me, it is hard letting go I tend to want to try to "fix" everything .. Now I realize that I dont have to do that .. Makes me feel a sense of calming..
Keep the focus on You and day by day you will get stronger
I am so glad to hear of your progress. It is so tough to step back sometimes but so rewarding when you do it, isn't it?
Keep up the good work, and thanks for a positive post!!! I've been in the woe-is-me stage lately too, and it is always great to read about hope and progress!!!
Reminds me of the slogan "this too shall pass." When things are going really good, this too shall pass (and we aren't entirely happy that it will). But oh when things are going really poorly "this too shall pass." And oh how grateful we are that it does. Like evolution of the tides and we are learning how to ride the waves.
Keep coming, yours in recovery,
Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Diva wrote: Your change of attitude is remarkable. Stay the course, focusing on yourself and your inner peace. I wish you another good week to come. Diva
I suppose I am a naturally optimistic person which ironically is perhaps the reason I find myself in my position. I tend to see the good in people and assume that they do too. When one see's one's loved one having/causing problems exacerbated by alcohol you assume they realise the issue too and will do something about it themselves. Unfortunately this is rarely the case and things will only continue getting worse until they reach the bottom and they are forced to choose between life and death.
It is this optimism, I believe, that allows me to accept the good days on their merits. If you spend that time moaning that they are all too infrequent then you are missing out on taking advantage of those good days.
One day at a time.
If that day is a good day, luxuriate in it, achieve something positive.
If it is a bad day just remember that the next day may not be so bad.
The lesson I have learned here though is not to seek to take on the issues of my partner. They are her issues. Let her deal with them. I have my own issues and, by my change in attitude since visiting these forums, she is gradually realising that she needs to leave me alone to deal with those. She is actually giving me the respect, which was previously missing, to do that. When we used to argue it was invariably me that used to go looking for reconciliation, even though it was her that had caused the fracas in the first place. Now I just retreat to my "quiet place" and read a book, and deal with my upset. The result is that arguments are rarerly prolonged, the way they used to, and more commonly it is her that seeks the reconciliation now.
I'm not kidding myself, things won't be easy...we're not out of the woods....we're barely in them yet. She has a long way to go. WE have a long way to go. There are a couple of watersheds on the horizon. The meeting with social services on Friday and her return to work the week after. How these will affect her I have no idea but I am optimistic... I am not worrying just now... they are not today. One day at a time.
Thank you all for your support. You have enabled me to change my life for the better.
