The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
"13th Stepping" is a term that means that someone in the AA program is taking advantage of another person (that is usually new in the program). The "predator" makes it look like they are "helping" that person when in fact they are out to satisfy their own sexual or relationship needs.
This really makes my stomach turn. I am a recovering A myself and know how vulnerable one is when first entering the program and trying to deal with new sobriety. Everything is so new, emotions, trying to learn the steps, getting a sponsor. You don't know what to believe or think, or who to trust. I have seen this happen to women new in the program. It is really unfortunate, but a fact that bad people exist everywhere in life, even somewhere where people are trying to heal and get sober.
13th stepping is when I'm not working the first 12 and working on someone else to fufill me.
It's when I'm searching for the external solution to the internal problem and think I've found it in someone else who's dysfunctions match mine perfectly
It's when I'm convinced I can save you from yourself and in truth need saving from myself.,
Everyone explained it well. When my hubby first got into AA, he became a "target" of a 13 stepper. This woman broke his anonymity, came to my workplace and told my colleagues that he was an alcoholic. She left many messages on my machine telling me what he was up to, even when he relapsed. I never told hubby about the messages on the machine because I didn't want him to get more upset. I hated this woman so much.
I blamed his relapse on her. This was before I came to Alanon. While I have no doubt she contributed to his mental unwellness, he relapsed many times after that. He stopped going to his home group because she was part of it.
Two years later, he has finally started his recovery and has gone back to his home group. This person is still there and she is still playing games with him and us. But we are much different now, and handle it very differently. She is still a very sick individual. He stays clear of her, and I have made it clear that she is not to call this house or come to my workplace. We talked to another sponsor and they offered to ask her to leave this group because she has a habit of doing this. However after much thought, we decided not to go to the group with this information. Her recovery is her recovery and as long as she respects the boundaries we have put in place, then there will be no problem. So far so good.
Live strong,
Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I never told hubby about the messages on the machine because I didn't want him to get more upset. I hated this woman so much.